I’m legally and contractually “off the clock” and on summer vacation, but I continue to get up in the morning and go to work. Why would I do something like that? I could be enjoying some lazy, hazy days of summer, but I load up the kids and drive to work. They surf the net and watch videos in the library while I putter around, working on a master schedule for a school I probably won’t be working at, answering email, and surveying the empty halls. There are a few people around and I spend time talking to them about summer plans, school plans for next year, and rehashing the events of this year. I still interview the occasional job candidate, but that is tailing off.

I know it may seem crazy, but I don’t feel like I’m ready for vacation yet. I still wake up early in the morning. I used to be able to sleep late. I don’t know why I really can’t do that anymore. Does getting older mean that you aren’t able to sleep in anymore? I used to count down the days and race home. I enjoyed my lazy days. Maybe I still will. But right now I’m still operating on school time. At any point I can give it up and stay home. The few odds and ends I’d like to do could probably be done from home just as well as my office 25 miles away. Its like I’m not quite ready to give it up yet. I haven’t turned in my keys, haven’t completely cleaned out my office, still have some papers strewn across my desk.

Maybe its that with some uncertainty about next year I don’t want to let go of this year. That could be it. I don’t have a transition to make yet, a new office to put my diplomas, memorabilia, and old pictures into. I’m gainfully employed yet professionally homeless. It is a weird feeling, not knowing yet what the future holds. I’m not anxiety ridden or anything. I just feel like I’m floating about.

Maybe its that I just like my work. I like going to the office, sitting down in my chair, solving problems, and chatting with coworkers. The problem now is that there are a lot fewer problems to solve and a lot fewer coworkers to chat with.

Go on vacation and unwind? I feel like I am unwinding when I go into work. I’m just unwinding very slowly.

I need to get over it and go fishing. Patrick and I drove past a local lake, stocked with trout, looking very inviting. An ice chest full of cold drinks, a fishing pole, and me. That might keep me out of the office! The kids say they are in as long as they don’t have to mess with any live bait. What kind of kids have I raised anyway?

I used to enjoy fishing a lot. For whatever reason, I haven’t been in years.

It might be time.

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