“Are you ready to come see your son?”, asked the duty nurse. Of course I was. I stepped into the room in the pediatrics ward, clad in hospital gown, and picked up the crying infant in my arms. It was the beginning of fatherhood. My life changed forever on that night.

I’d taken a less conventional approach to becoming a father. Both of my children were adopted as infants, one at birth and the other at only a few months old. I’d always enjoyed other people’s kids, sometimes preferring to play with them in the backyard instead of hanging out with the other adults in the living room. Now, in my early 30’s I was a dad. I was overjoyed, holding this baby in my arms, stifling back the tears. I had a son, and in a couple of years I would have a daughter also.

It couldn’t be that hard, could it? My own father had made it look so easy in many ways. He didn’t try to be a good dad. He just did what came naturally and it made him one. He didn’t issue a lot of orders, preferring to teach by asking good questions and supplying lots of food for thought. He was gentle and kind, but that was just his nature, the way he dealt with life and the people around him. He was brilliant, but never had the ego to suggest that he had all the answers. He took the time to laugh at our stories and jokes and to offer just the right words when things weren’t going so well. He was my role model and now I was a father too, just like him, and it was a lot more challenging than he had made it look.

Over fifteen years later I look at my two adorable adolescents and think to myself, “you didn’t do too bad, did you”? My kids are no more perfect than I am, but they are maturing into young adults before my very eyes. I wish I could claim all of the credit, but there have been others who have influenced their development, taught them valuable lessons, provided them with love, nurtured them, and been there for them during tough times. My ex-wives, grandparents, my brothers, their teachers, family and friends, and now the adorable Terri….they have been there for my children and helped make me a better father. I didn’t come into this knowing all the answers, and fifteen years later I still don’t know them all.

I haven’t always done the right things when it comes to my kids. I’ve taken some chances that didn’t work out for me, but more importantly didn’t work out for them. I’ve made decisions that I have come to regret. I’d like to think I’ve learned from those mistakes, became a better dad as time has gone by. Parenting is the ultimate learning process and we learn as much from our children as they do from us. I’m a better man from being a father to these two kids all these years.

It has been quite a journey, one that I wouldn’t have missed for all the riches in the world.

Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there and to those moms who have to fill both roles in the lives of their children.

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