I tell you it just breaks my heart sometimes. I've worked in middle schools for years and there always seems to be at least one pregnancy going at any given time. I've seen as many as five in one year. This is middle school mind you. These are not 18 year old girls. These are girls who are from 12-15 years old.

She sat across from me today, in trouble for skipping math class to just hang out in the hallways. She is fourteen years old and in the 7th grade. She has already been retained once because of academic difficulties. I pull her grades up on the computer and see mostly "F's" for this year. She is likely to be retained once again. I talk to her about going to "credit recovery" this summer, but I'm not sure she can make up the ground.

I talk to her about skipping class and give her a choice. Either agree to go to all of her afternoon classes or go home for the day. She says, "how do you know I just won't lie to you and not go anyway?" I reply, "because I don't think you'd lie to to my face. I think you'd be straight up with me." She nods and says, "Ok Mr. S. I think I want to see if my mom will come pick me up." I hand her the phone and dial the home number on the computer. Someone answers and her face brightens. She coos, "hi baby. Whats going on?" Obviously, this is not her mother. It turns out to be her boyfriend, several years older. He lives in the home with her and her mom. I'm flabbergasted at this. She shrugs and says, "he's been living with us for awhile. My mom likes him."

She tells me about the difficulty she has controlling her anger, the hospitalizations, the medications she used to take until, "we ran out of money and I got pregnant". "Lara" also has a string of suspensions including one for striking a teacher. At first hostile, she begins to relax a bit as we talk. She has an edge to her, a hard edge. She rubs her protruding belly and wonders if it will be a boy or a girl. She talks about trying to earn money "for the baby" this summer. We talk about where she is going to school next year. Perhaps she can get into a local school that is exclusively for pregnant teenagers, offering on-site childcare, nurse and doctor visits, and social services. It seems like her best option.

She asks if she can walk home. I deny the request unless I receive verbal permission from her mother. She says, "Mr. S, you're telling me I can get pregnant but I can't walk home without my mom's permission." "Yes Lara, that is exactly what I'm telling you." She sits in the outer office. From the hallway I look at her and it makes me sad. Her childhood is over. Its been over for quite some time. I wonder about what the future has in store for her. Her mother is only 30 years old. That means she was born to a 16 year old parent herself. Will the baby inside her continue the cycle? The research says it is very likely.

I smile at her and she smiles back. We have something of a rapport. She'll talk openly to me. But how much can I do for her? I wonder how long before the boyfriend takes a hike. I picture her at 18 years old with a preschool child. I cringe at the thought. In all of her conversation about her family I don't hear a single mention of a male. No dad, uncles, or grandfathers ever come into the conversation. The only significant male in her life is the teenaged boyfriend. Damn.

I think of the other Laras I've known. I mourn the loss of their youth and innocence. I think there has to be a way to prevent this from happening. I'll be damned if I know what it is. I think about the Laras of next year. I know they'll be at least one. Other girls will group around them, rubbing their bellies excitedly. Being pregnant in middle school has a certain cachet with the kids. Boys will hover around. They know she's done it at least once and is likely to do it again.

I wonder what the future has in store for her. I think I know, but I don't want to think about it too much.
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