I've dealt with several students recently who "skipped school". I've heard their stories. I've heard where they went and what they did. It didn't sound like much fun to me, but there is of course the thrill of trying to get away with something.

I skipped school once. Actually, I did it twice and got caught once. As I listen to these kid's stories I think to myself, "I can top that".

I was a junior in high school and it was in the spring. The weather was beautiful outside. My friends and I talked about skipping, but the question was...how not to get caught! One of my friends had it easy. If he wanted to miss school his mom would just write him a pass or call in an excuse. I didn't have it quite so easy.

Then inspiration struck! I had monthly orthodontist appointments. The orthodontist's office would give me a written slip to turn in at school. I would just check out at the office and leave at the appointed time. I got my slip and looked at the time...it said 1:30. A stroke of the pen turned the "1" into a "9". I arrived at school, turned in the slip, checked out after an hour or so and left. My friends came up with their own schemes. The three of us spent the day fishing and hanging out! At 1:30 I left, went to my appointment, and rejoined my friends. It went off without a hitch. So easy!

I requested an appointment for the same time the next month. I altered the slip again and turned it in. I should've known we were in trouble from the start. I picked up my friend a block from school. I asked him what excuse he used and he said, "None. I just left". This was a small school. Could he be connected to me? But I put such thoughts aside, picked up my other buddy, and headed out to the farmland my grandfather owned. He rented out the house but there was no one there during the day. We opened the gate, drove into the pasture, and we were homefree. We spent the morning fishing, drinking a couple of beers, and driving my 1966 Dodge Pickup around the muddy pasture. We cut doughnuts in the truck. We spun out. We jumped over slight hills. You've seen the video "Girls Gone Wild"? This was the teenage boy version.

Then it happened. Right before it was time for me to leave I was driving my truck through the pasture faster than I should. I saw a hill and decided to jump it. It was a little higher than what I imagined. My truck landed with a big thud....in the mud. It was buried. You couldn't even SEE three of the tires. I gunned it, rocked back and forth and couldn't budge it. We were stuck. I walked up to the farmhouse, got a couple of shovels, and walked back. We spent hours digging that truck out of the thick, oozy mud.

In the meantime, I missed my 1:30 appointment. The orthodontist's office called my house and asked, "where is Brian"? My mom called the school with same question. They told her that I had left hours earlier. It didn't take much brainpower to figure out my little scheme.

It was now almost 5:00 and I still had to take my friend home. To get to his house I had to drive right past my basketball coach's house. The coach was in the yard and saw us drive by. When I returned down the same street he was standing in the middle of the road. "Where were you today in practice Brian"?, he asked. I stumbled all over myself giving an incoherent answer. Shit!

I didn't know that my parents knew anything was up. I'd never missed an appointment. How was I to know they would call my house? I was going to call the orthodontist from school the next morning and reschedule. That faint little glimmer of hope was soon dispelled. I drove up the driveway at my home. My parents were both standing outside. My dad is a very genial, soft-spoken man, but he wasn't that way on this particular day. He growled four words out..."Give me those keys". He took them from me, spun away, and walked red-faced into the house. My mom proceeded to inform me that she had figured out that I probably skipped school but had gotten very worried anyway when I didn't get home after school. After all, I had been missing for eight hours now. She had called the state police and had them looking for me. She had also been in regular contact with my principal....both at school and at his home.

She grabbed my arm, marched me to the phone, and made me call the principal at home to let him know I was ok. He was actually very nice..."thats ok Brian. I'm glad you're ok. Come see me in the morning and we'll talk about this". I knew I was in a deep pile of shit at home but maybe the school end wouldn't be so bad! The next morning my mom drove me to school and went to the principal's office with me. He wasn't nearly as nice as he was on the phone. After a verbal tongue lashing about irresponsibility he said, "your options are a three day suspension or three swats"! I opened my mouth to speak but my mom interjected, "he'll take the swats". By this time my partner in crime had joined us in the office. He too was to get swats. The principal ordered him to bend over the desk, raised his paddle arm, stopped, and said, "Ricky, take it out". Ricky sheepishly removed a small, strategically placed pillow. I stifled a giggle and then it came....whack! whack! whack! My friend Ricky was 6'6" and weighed 240 lbs. But after the second swat he burst into tears. The door opened and Ricky stepped into a hallway of our peers with tears streaming down his cheek. Very uncool.

Now it was my turn. The first swat literally took my breath away. I'd never been hit that hard in my entire life. The second and third swats weren't even necessary...I was already in agony. Unlike my friend Ricky I wasn't going to let my friends see me cry. I summoned something inside and stifled the tears and the pain. I walked into the hallway and someone asked, "did it hurt"? I shook my head and gave my best wolfish smile. Didn't hurt a bit! I walked down the hallway, went to bathroom, closed a stall door, and cried my eyes out! Damn, that hurt so bad. It was still hurting that night. It hurt the next night and I complained to my mom. She took a look and gasped....my ass and upper thigh was black and blue. She began to feel guilty then. To this day she feels bad about it.

I was also grounded from my truck for a month. But not to worry! My parents secured me a ride to and from school....with the elementary principal! It was not the epitome of coolness to be seen stepping out of the elementary principal's car every morning. The razzing from that still rings in my ears.

Soooo....the rest of you. Ever skip?

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