As regular readers of this blog know, my friend Marlane recently came to visit me. We had a wonderful time together. We discussed seriously taking our friendship to another level. We've been the best of friends, and grew closer together during the difficult summer months before I moved. We have talked almost every day since I moved here. I care about her and her children deeply. I love her as a friend and more.

She has been divorced for a long time and is ready for a relationship. She's tired of being alone and wants someone in her life. I've told her that I could see us together. I encouraged her to consider moving here so that we could begin to build a relationship. Part of the purpose of her trip here was to see if she really wanted to do that. She did. I wanted her to. I knew I wasn't totally ready for a relationship, but thought that our friendship would make it different than any other potential relationship.

After she left my feet started getting cold. Fear took over. The seriousness of such a move hit me like a ton of bricks. How can I just lurch from one relationship into another one? How will this impact the kids...mine and hers? So many questions, so much fear, so many doubts.

Now I'm backing away and its hurting her feelings badly. I hate that so much. She's my best friend and the last person I would ever want to hurt. She takes it personally..."whats wrong with me? What have I done wrong?" I tell her that its not her...its me. I'm afraid and I'm unresolved. What am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of beginning a relationship when I'm not over my the breakup of my marriage. There are still a lot of strong feelings there.

I'm afraid of commitment. After all, look how great I've done in my committed relationships.

I'm afraid of jumping into something too soon.

I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I'm afraid of hurting someone else...her kids, my kids.

I'm just plain afraid. Its too soon and I have many issues to work through. I know this but it doesn't make it easy to hurt someone I care so much about.

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