In what seems like a lifetime ago, I was a middle school assistant principal in my hometown of Sapulpa, Oklahoma. When I was hired I had spent seven years as a teacher in a small rural school, had gone to night school to get my master's degree, and was offered this job opportunity.

At the time I was 31 years old, fairly young for a school administrator. The lady who hired me was named Janet. She had been principal of this school for a number of years already. She hired this fresh-faced young teacher to be her partner in running a school with 650 students and about 45 teachers. I had taken all the college classes but I really didn't know what the hell I was doing. From this beginning, an unlikely friendship and partnership was formed.

Janet is a short, petite, African-American lady from Arkansas who is about five years older than I am. She is brash, opinionated, outspoken, playful, and full of ideas. She is afraid of no one, passionately believes in doing what is best for kids, and is not afraid of shaking things up. I was a quiet, soft-spoken, analytical, cautious, guy who analyzed every decision or question in my own quaintly logical way. She would often walk into my office and have this out-of-left-field idea. She would tell me all about it, cock her head, and say, "Can we do that"?

My first full day on the job, while I was organizing my desk, she walked into my office and closed the door. She sat down on my desk and said, "Stone, get ready. I'm going to share everything with you. I don't believe in keeping my assistant principal in the dark on anything." Boy, did she ever keep that promise.

Our offices were right across the hall from each other. We talked constantly throughout our busy days about anything and everything. I kept her up to date on discipline issues, what the teachers were saying, comments made by parents, as well as the things going on in my personal life. She did the same. Often we would call each other in the evening and talk for hours more.

Everyone else in the building saw the tougher administrator side of Janet. Many of the teachers feared her..she was not a lady to be messed with. But I saw her softer side, the way that she went to bat for kids in trouble, the way that injustice and unfairness troubled her so deeply.

Once a mother came into the office furious. Her daughter had been disciplined by Janet for some infraction. She demanded to see the principal, and announced to everyone, "I'm going to kick her ass". Janet came out and invited her into her office. I mouthed, "call the police"?...and she shook her head. I stood outside her office door with my keys in hand..ready to rush in and save the day. Thirty minutes later the two of them emerged. The mom in question turned, hugged Janet, and said, "thank you so much, I'm glad my daughter is here with you". Janet winked at me and walked back into her office. Truly amazing.

Like morticians, school administrators have their own brand of peculiar humor. We would laugh until we cried about the oddest things. A building level administrator gets pressure from every direction..parents, the superintendent, teachers, school board, the community. She was adept at handling it all and taught me a lot of those skills. A lot of it was handled with humor and you could often hear us cackling behind closed doors.

We had an emotionally disturbed student once that was particularly difficult to handle. He was prone to violent tantrums and often had to be subdued. More than once I held this young man on the ground until he regained control of his emotions. Once, I came into the room and he was being held down by a couple of male teachers. I told them I would take over, got ahold of him, and tried to talk him down. He was very upset and yelled at me, "fuck you, you bald headed bastard"! I heard a small giggle, turned my head and there was Janet. She had her hand over her mouth and was doing her best to keep it under control. I chuckled and replied to the boy, "I resent being called bald headed"! She burst into laughter and so did I. Everyone in the room looked at us like we were crazy. The boy on the floor eventually joined in the laughter and I was able to let him up. She teased me about it for years.

Every Christmas she and I would dress up as Santa and Mrs. Claus. I'm 6'4" so Santa is not a great role for me. We collected donations, purchased gifts, and identified our students who were most in need. We'd load them all on a school bus and spend several nights personally delivering them to the kid's homes. We witnessed the squalor and chaos that some of those children had to endure, and it was a humbling and gratifying experience for us both.

When I met Lee, got married, and moved away it was sad to leave my friend and that partnership. We kept in touch, but not as much as we should have. I dropped by to see her when I was in town, and we exchanged an occasional email or phone call.

Janet heard through my parents of my current marital situation and my impending move back to Oklahoma. She called me yesterday and gave me some vintage "Janet"...a little lovin and sympathy combined with some pointed talk about moving on with my life and making the best of things. She is calling several friends in high places to recommend me for a job and offered to do anything she could to help. She also teased me about an old girlfriend that was a mutual friend of hours. Just talking to her again made me feel so much better. I had been embarassed..perhaps ashamed..to call her about all this. Now I wish I'd done it sooner.

Isn't that the definition of a friend? No matter how much time has passed or what the situation, they are there for you when you need them.
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