Last night we discussed our impending breakup with the kids. We both sat down with Aubree, the precocious nine year old, and talked to her first. I tried to lead in with an explanation about some changes that were going to take place. I didn't get halfway through when she interrupted tearfully, "Please don't tell me I have to leave this family". Lee told her, "you're not..I am". Tears streamed down her cheeks as she hugged both of us and searched for answers. She was heartbroken. Lee has meant so much to her and that loss will be felt for a long time. We talked about the practicality of moving, things she could or could not take with her, and what to do with the pets. I printed out a map for her and we talked about where I could find a job. She was coloring that map this morning.

Lee then went downstairs to talk to our oldest by herself and I brought Patrick in to talk about it with Aubree and I. He too shed some tears and wanted to know lots of details. Aubree looked at me tearfully and said, "Dad, will you ever have another girl again"? I said, "do you mean like a wife"? She nodded and I whispered, "do you want me to"? She shook her head and said, "no, they always leave". It just ripped my heart out.

Lee too was extremely sad. She cried and said repeatedly, "I hate this". Tears streamed down her cheeks for most of the evening, and at one point she said, "I wish I was a different person". She loves these kids and I know it was very painful for her.

I went downstairs to talk to Brynden, my stepson who I've never thought of that way. He was sitting in his papa-san chair looking at his computer, a sad expression on his face. I patted him on the shoulder and hugged him, whispering "I'm so sorry". When I started to pull away he pulled me back and held the hug for awhile longer. I've never hugged him like that in the six plus years we've been together. I should have. I told him that if he ever needed anything I would be there for him.

We talked of having a yard sale, disposing of things that I don't want to move and that she doesn't want to keep. I told the kids that they could keep the money from their things that were sold and spend it once we got settled in Oklahoma.

We took the kids to McDonalds and headed out to the park for a picnic. We watched them run and play, and the realization swept over me yet again that our lives were changing forever. There was magic here..love, joy, and happiness. Now it will be gone and something unknown will take its place.


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