Yes, I’m going to do it again. Terri and I plan to get married during our trip to Las Vegas next week.

I really wasn’t sure I would ever get to this point again. There were many times in the past few years where I told myself I was done with the marriage thing. Marriage hasn’t been very good to me and I probably haven’t been all that good to it either. When you’ve been married twice only to see those marriages end in failure, a little cynicism can go a long way. The fantasy of marriage being some magical state where true love carries you and your partner through life’s adventures has long faded in my consciousness. I have a pretty good idea of what marriage is and isn’t, this realization being one advantage of my experiences.

I recently read a book called “The Audacity of Hope”, a story of one person’s journeys. The title fits in very well here. It takes some audacity to really hope again, given what I have been through in my previous two marriages. I must be feeling pretty audacious because that hope burns inside me again. Audacity requires many things including a belief that you can do it right this time, that you are not a prisoner of your past, not a captive of your weaknesses, not a slave to your failings. Terri and I have talked of this extensively, examining the pain that we felt and being honest enough to discuss the mistakes we made and how we were not the perfect partners either.

It has been quite a journey from there to now. I’ve never made any bones about the fact that my last divorce was a crushing event, one that changed me forever. I’ve also made it clear that my own shortcomings made a contribution to the downfall of that marriage. In the almost four years hence I feel like I have grown in many ways and that many people helped me along the way in that growth process. I have made mistakes along the way during these years and it hasn’t always been pretty. To anyone that I may have hurt along the way I offer my sincere apologies.

There wasn’t any “aha!” moment, no blinding flashes of light from the sky, no single moment that I can point to that made me feel like I was ready to choose this path yet again. I really did want to be sure, and after over two years of being together I am sure, as sure as a person can ever really be. I wouldn’t be any more sure six months from now, a year from now, five years from now.

In many ways it would be much easier to avoid the marriage commitment from now on. If you don’t try it there is no chance of yet another failure. Saying those vows again requires a willingness to accept the risk again. I truly believe that this will last for the remainder of my life, but history’s harsh lessons teach that nothing is written in stone when it comes to relationships. There is always risk when you take chances in matters of the heart. I feel audacious enough to take that risk, confident that we are making the right decision for ourselves and our children.

I know that I love her very much and that she feels the same way. I know that there is a very high level of trust between us. I know that we are very compatible in a myriad of ways. I know we share many of the same values. I know that we have the ingredients necessary to make this work. I also know it is now up to us to do so.

We will tie the knot Tuesday afternoon in Vegas and spend the rest of the day celebrating. I hope you will join us in whatever way that you can. Yes Joan, that includes you! I know you warned me, but you’ve gotta trust me on this one. If something happens I will let you post the snarkiest “I told you so” post in the history of blogland on my blog.

Just don’t hold your breath.

Viva Las Vegas baby! With any luck I’ll have some pictures to share when we return.

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