Two of the biggest headlines in the past week involved the Duke rape case and Don Imus’ inappropriate language. For some reason I thought about these two stories together. Both cases involved accusations, one that turned out to be untrue and one that it is undeniable. The Duke lacrosse players went through a year being under the threat of suspending a large chunk of the rest of their lives in prison. Imus’ words were splashed across You Tube, talk radio, and the newspapers.

I think about those lacrosse players and I wonder what it would feel like to have your picture and name splashed across the news, your college life interrupted, your dreams in tatters, and know that you weren’t guilty of what you were being accused of. All of us have been there on a much smaller level? Ever been accused by a parent, teacher, boyfriend, wife, or close friend of something you absolutely did not do? It is so frustrating to know that you are not guilty of the accusation but to have no way to prove it to the other person’s satisfaction. You want to just scream, “I DIDN’T DO IT”, but the words fall on deaf ears.

Now imagine that times a million as professors from your college, television and radio pundits, legal commentators, and activists call you a rapist. People you thought were your friends shrink away from you in horror. You are kicked out of school. You know it was a stupid thing to throw a drunken party that night and hire strippers, but stupidity shouldn’t get you twenty to life. You were the king of the college universe and now you’re just a guy in a mug shot with a prosecutor who wants to put you behind bars until your hairs are gray. You are fortunate because you have parents with some means who can hire a decent attorney to defend you. You know you didn’t do it, and in one case have ironclad evidence that you weren’t even there when the crime was supposed to have occurred. You think that your life is practically over, but the system eventually works for you in a slow, tortuous, way.

Then there is the “shock jock”, a guy who has entertained the masses with coarse, locker-room style humor for thirty years. You’ve said a lot worse than “nappy headed hos” and gotten by with it. You too are the king of the world, a millionaire many times over, a guy who politicians suck up to just to get in good with your audience. You’ve done good works, raised millions for good causes, contributed to the needy, but your shtick has always been to insult people, many of whom are not able to fight back. You are so set in your way that you don’t realize that you can’t get by with this stuff as easy in the day of You Tube and blogs. You took an unprovoked, nasty potshot at some college girls whose sole crime was to have been successful enough to come across your radar and offer you another target to shoot at so that your audience can laugh. Unlike the Duke guys, you KNOW you did it and you can’t deny it. You apologize profusely, but this time its not enough. You lose your job and know that you probably won’t be remembered for any of those good works you did. You’ll be remembered for that remark.

We’ve probably all been there too on a much smaller scale. Ever done something wrong that you couldn’t or wouldn’t deny? Had that feeling of trying to atone, to seek forgiveness, to not let one incident tarnish your reputation, your relationships, your own feelings of self worth? Ever wanted to scream, “I’M SORRY” from the highest rooftop so that you can know you’ve tried to make things right? Sometimes an apology just doesn’t end it. Sometimes there are consequences that must be paid regardless of whether someone feels bad for what they’ve done.

There are lessons to be learned from both of these cases, from refraining from a rush to judgment and assuming an accusation must be correct if it comes from someone with a title to the depths and limits of forgiveness. We all have to face accusations within ourselves, fight against the false and forgive ourselves for the true.

As Polybius once said,” There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible as the conscience that dwells in the heart of every man.”

|