Monday, March 13, 2006
Destiny
I've been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of weeks. Yes, I know that is a dangerous thing. But there is a concept that keeps popping into my thoughts.
Anyone who has been reading this blog for any length of time knows about my divorce and my move back to Oklahoma from Washington. Many posts chronicle the pain, the hurt, the depression, and the manic self analysis that came during those months before and after my move. I've written extensively about taking responsibility for my own shortcomings that contributed to the breakup of my marriage. Like a giant ship doing a 360 turn I have slowly moved into a better place in my life. This post is not to rehash all of that. I have something else in mind.
Life has a way of balancing things out for you. I lost a marriage, a job, and a home. I gained my family back, became closer than ever to my kids, and was granted nineteen precious months to spend with my dad. I saw him virtually every day during that time. Sometimes it was for conversations that lasted hours and other times it was just for a few minutes. But I was able to re-connect with him and share the twilight of his life in a way that I could never have done living thousands of miles away. I needed that time and I'm so glad that I had it.
I never thought I would say anything like this, but its a trade I would make again if given the chance. I'd gladly go through what I did two summers ago to have the chance to be with my dad in a meaningful way in his final months on this planet.
I think it was what was meant to be. I was meant to be back here during this time, planting my roots in familiar soil and being here for my dad when he really needed me. I was needed and wanted here. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was heeding destiny's call.
This feeling gives me strength and a sense of peace. Maybe its just my way of rationalizing how things have turned out, but I think that my place was here during this time. I do believe that things happen for a reason even if we can't always comprehend it. Pain can open a portal to happiness. Loss can open the door to contentment. Rejection can make acceptance possible. Anguish can yield to understanding. Despair can lead to hope.
Some things are just meant to be.
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Anyone who has been reading this blog for any length of time knows about my divorce and my move back to Oklahoma from Washington. Many posts chronicle the pain, the hurt, the depression, and the manic self analysis that came during those months before and after my move. I've written extensively about taking responsibility for my own shortcomings that contributed to the breakup of my marriage. Like a giant ship doing a 360 turn I have slowly moved into a better place in my life. This post is not to rehash all of that. I have something else in mind.
Life has a way of balancing things out for you. I lost a marriage, a job, and a home. I gained my family back, became closer than ever to my kids, and was granted nineteen precious months to spend with my dad. I saw him virtually every day during that time. Sometimes it was for conversations that lasted hours and other times it was just for a few minutes. But I was able to re-connect with him and share the twilight of his life in a way that I could never have done living thousands of miles away. I needed that time and I'm so glad that I had it.
I never thought I would say anything like this, but its a trade I would make again if given the chance. I'd gladly go through what I did two summers ago to have the chance to be with my dad in a meaningful way in his final months on this planet.
I think it was what was meant to be. I was meant to be back here during this time, planting my roots in familiar soil and being here for my dad when he really needed me. I was needed and wanted here. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was heeding destiny's call.
This feeling gives me strength and a sense of peace. Maybe its just my way of rationalizing how things have turned out, but I think that my place was here during this time. I do believe that things happen for a reason even if we can't always comprehend it. Pain can open a portal to happiness. Loss can open the door to contentment. Rejection can make acceptance possible. Anguish can yield to understanding. Despair can lead to hope.
Some things are just meant to be.
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