These are words we in school administration hear often. At the mere mention of it we are supposed to cower, give in, become accomodating, and give the person whatever it is that they want. After all, that is what we do in this society when someone disagrees with us, isn't it? We sue them! Lets go to court!

I've heard it plenty just this year. Don't like your kid's schedule? Threaten to sue. Upset about a grade? Lets take it to the judge. Your child didn't make the basketball team? That coach should explain his decision to a guy in black robes. You think those twenty zeroes your kid has in math are all caused by the teacher just throwing her homework in the trash? Time to lawyer up.

First, sometimes people really do sue. A salesmen once visited the school. A couple of days later he called and said that he just found a scratch on his Cadillac. He was sure one of our students did it while he was inside. He filed suit for $5000. What a bozo. I was irritated when the school's insurance settled with him for $1000. Why settle? It would cost much more than that to defend the case in court. We were also sued once by a parent for an accident that happened on school grounds over the weekend. Her son was riding his bike in the school's circle drive. A chain was placed across the drive to keep people from driving in there when school isn't in session. He drove his bike into the chain, broke his leg, and she promptly sued us. This time the district actually mounted a defense and her case got tossed.

But in my 20 years of experience, this is a rarity. Most people won't really sue. They just like to use the threat as a form of intimidation. I'm kinda wise to this game. You don't like your child's math teacher because she failed the class last semester? You want to hire a lawyer and take it to court? Be my guest. You might be able to find a lawyer who will try to coerce the district into settling. But it is highly doubtful you'll ever get to trial. If you do, your 7th grader will probably be in high school by then.

If you actually do hire a lawyer and they contact the school? That is the end as far as we are concerned. We won't talk to the lawyer. We'll let our lawyer talk to your lawyer. We won't discuss it with you anymore either. I won't return your calls because now it is a legal matter. Frankly, when you start threatening a lawsuit over a school issue, I'll be chuckling to myself when I hang up and sticking you in my "crackpot" file. I'll look at your child every day and feel sorry for him/her for having such a bozo for a parent. I'm not saying that there is never a good reason to sue a school, but I haven't seen many that stand out as reasonable. Most of the ones that are successful have to do with free speech or due process. Grades? Who your kid's teachers are? Didn't make the cheerleading squad? Forget it.

Earlier this year a high school football player was ejected from a game for punching another player. His punishment automatically included being banned from the next game, which happened to be the state championship game. His parents went to court and got a judge to grant an injunction against the game being played while they pursued their appeal. The game was delayed for a couple of weeks until the state supreme court unanimously tossed the case out. A high school football game!!! As far as I'm concerned, that kind of case is an abuse of the legal system.

I once worked in a school where parents threatened a suit because we kept the 7th and 8th grade kids separated from each other at lunch time. We were violating their child's right to socialize with his friends. Seriously, you should've heard them. I was so hoping they would sue and ante up some money to a lawyer. That one would've been fun.

When are we going to realize that the courts are for settling serious disputes and not the recourse of every clown with a gripe?
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