What a week its been! Brian, the sit-at-home 29 days a month guy turns into Brian the social butterfly.

Patrick and Aubree return to my humble abode Friday night. I'm so excited to get them back. I talked to them both on the phone a couple of days ago and it sounded like they were having a wonderful time. My ex wife promised to send me lots of pictures. I'll share!

I plan on surprising the kids with neat, reorganized rooms when they get back. My friend Kathy gave me a computer for Aubree and I'm setting it up in her room. She's gonna be soooooo surprised and way thrilled. Internet access! A place to type her journals! I hope she doesn't make a mess when I have to scrape her off the ceiling.

Patrick also has some goodies of his own including some a new towel and throw blanket (courtesy of Kathy) and a couple of cool new posters. He likes having a clean, organized room. He also doesn't like to clean it. This one is on me.

I had several social outings/dates in the last week. All were great fun. I met a couple of new friends who I had corresponded with for a long time. I had a local date that was a lot of fun. I hung out with a local blogger. I had a lovely lunch date with a certain government employee. Fun stuff!

I know Aka Monty won't mind if I mention that she and I went to see "The Longest Yard". We went to the 5:00 show. Not a matinee. Everyone else is out eating or is too cool to go to the theater at 5:00. I felt middle age geekdom approaching fast. Still, it was a most excellent time and we had dinner at a place where you could throw your peanut shells on the floor. Don't worry Monty....the motorcyle goes unmentioned here.

I liked "The Longest Yard" a lot, but Adam Sandler just doesn't fit my image of an N.F.L. quarterback. Maybe its just that I've seen him in all those goofball movies where he farts a lot.

I already described my most excellent road trip. I really do love driving and seeing the country. I've gotta make more trips some day.

It looks like an Okie blogger roundup is being planned for this fall. Its still in the planning stages but it sounds like it is shaping up to be quite the bash. A ton of bloggers all in one place? Music and dancing? Laptops? Party? I'm so there.

This blogworld has blessed me with getting to know so many cool people. I make new friends and get to know them. Some I get to know very well. Some surprise me. Some are just great fun. Some make me laugh. Its all good.

Ok girls, please answer my burning question of the day. Which do ladies prefer in men's underwear? Tighty whities? Boxers? Boxer briefs? Bikini underwear?

So how is YOUR week going?
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I went through several emotions when I saw that a former student of mine found my blog and commented. I was mostly just thrilled to hear from her! But a little part of me thought, "oh crap, she'll see that I'm human with faults, flaws, insecurities and all!" Oh no! Then I realized that I hoped that I taught her and the other students that all of us are just people. Just because I was the teacher doesn't mean that I'm perfect, problem-free, or without flaws. Far from it! But in case it snowed that day or I forgot to teach that lesson, I'll give it a whirl here.

I've been a "suit" in the office this past year so I may be a little rusty. Let me roll up my sleeves, grab my marker, find the board, clear my throat, and give it a try. Ready class?

I can remember seeing an elementary school teacher of mine in a grocery store. She was holding hands with her husband and perusing the aisles. I was shocked. She's a teacher. Whats she doing here? Shouldn't she be doing bulletin boards or something? Who is that guy with her? You mean she doesn't live behind that desk?

Class, sometimes people expect too much and yet not enough out of the teachers in the classroom. They often expect the wrong things altogether.

I always thought I owed certain things to my students. I owed them a well-planned and prepared lesson. I owed them an ear to listen. I owed them my best effort. I owed them the benefits of my knowledge. I owed them an honest assessment of their progress. I owed them a professional teacher who taught his heart out every single day. Every parent and student should expect these things out of their teacher.

I stood in front of my classes a couple of days after my wife told me she wanted a divorce. My heart was broken, my mind going in a million different directions. I didn't know what the future held. I did my best to teach that day and the days that followed. I walked in that building and tried to shove all those emotions over to the side. It wasn't their fault. They needed me to be me, the guy that stood in front of that class all year.

I don't know how successful I was that day. I could feel those emotions so close to the surface. I thought I had it under control. But some of the kids noticed. They always do. They are so perceptive. They didn't know what was going on, but they knew I wasn't quite "right". You know what? They took up the slack. They stood with me and helped all of us finish the year. That is the kind of kids I taught. I'm so damn proud of them.

I'll submit to you class that some of the best teachers I've ever seen have lived lives that were far from trouble-free. They've lost sons or daughters to untimely death. They've gone through wrenching divorces. They've lost all they had in a financial scam. They had injuries from fighting in Vietnam. They've suffered from mental illness. They have a family member that is causing them a great deal of grief. They broke a leg in high school and missed out on that athletic scholarship. They worked their ass off to get through college.

It is this adversity that gives them character, dimension, and depth. I hired a teacher once out of college that had absolutely perfect credentials. She'd never made anything less than an "A" in her entire life. She had a college 4.0, involved in campus activities, and married her high school quarterback sweetheart after she got out of college. We put her to work teaching 7th grade math. She probably knew that subject better than anyone else in the building. But she struggled to work with spit-ball throwing, smart alecky, troubled 7th grade boys. She didn't understand them. She had a hard time "getting" where a lot of these kids came from. It just wasn't part of her life experience. She didn't hang out with kids like that in high school or college. She didn't hang out with adults like that in real life. They didn't come running in the door super-eager to soak up the math knowledge she had? She quit after that first year.

(Hey you in the back. Yeah, you Joan! Stop writing those notes and making faces at me)

Class, I know how short attention spans can be, so I'll try and wrap this lesson up. Students? Those teachers in front of you are flawed, ordinary people. Some are incredibly gifted. Some just plug away and do the best they can. A few may not be very good at what they do. Regrettably, a few of them may not even care. Learn from all of them. Watch how they handle the frustration that comes with the job. They are just people like you. They are better educated and they know more than you do. But they've made their share of mistakes and have their warts. Understanding all of this will help you get through school and help you in life.

Here I am class. I bring to you over 40 years of reading, experiences, and knowledge. Triumphs and failures. Heartaches and ecstasy. I've been so poor that I slept in a maintenance garage on boxes, and ate pork and beans every night for a week. I've also been to the White House. I've loved and lost. Boyfriend or girlfriend dump you? I think I can understand. I've been to your houses and seen how you live. Scared of failure? I think we can talk. Someone close to you die? Me too. Feel frustrated at times? I can relate.

Lets recap today's lesson. Your teachers are like anyone else. Don't expect them to be perfect. Expect them to do their best just like they should expect from you. I love you all for who you are. Thats why I'm here. You're not perfect or you wouldn't need me. I'm not perfect or I wouldn't need you. Lets learn from each other and love each other.

Class dismissed.
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More secrets have rolled in and I have copied them below for your perusal. Just for the record, none of these are mine this time!


"I wish I had the courage to date women..."

"I feel uncomfortable with a man going down on me, but I know I love it, because I once let my best girlfriend do it to me..."

"I am uncomfortable receiving oral sex, but I have allowed, and very much enjoy, allowing a man to take me *elsewhere*"

"I never got my license. I know how to drive and do
fine on the road, but am afraid of it."

"I cheated on my income taxes to the tune of thousands of dollars. I lived for years in fear of being caught."

"I had always had a fantasy of enjoying sex with someone I had not seen so when I received an e-mail from a guy and we began to talk on the phone I knew this just might be the one. I asked him how he would feel about having sex with a female who would did not want to see him or meet him before she had sex with him. He got very excited about the idea so I made the arrangements......
We scheduled a day and a time and he would call me for the name of the place we would meet at. I would give him the room number and the room door would be left cracked. I would be in the bed with no cloths on wearing a blindfold.
He entered the door came over to the bed and said Hello and pulled me toward him and from there it progressed to an afternoon of very wild and wonderful sex......I did take the blindfold off before he was going to leave at his request to see my eyes when he gave me his goodbye kiss.....No we have never seen each other again even though it was some of the best sex I have ever had...it was just that sex........we are both married. He has written me and asked me if I would like to meet again but I thought it best we not for I know how I am and could not continue seeing him just for sex and would develop feelings.."

"One evening having a few drinks with my husband, one of his friends
and one of my friends. His friend keeps saying he wants to see my
boobs. I keep laughing it off (but secretly wanting to show him).
Hubby says, "Go ahead and show him." I say no way I'm gonna flip them
out right there so I lead him down the hallway to our room.
I yank off my top and flip up my bra. Friend says, "You're not gonna
let me just see them without touching them, are you?" So, I did. And
he did. With his hands, lips, teeth and tongue.
But I stopped him. And he stopped without a fight. And we walked
outta there like all he did was look.
And my husband doesn't know… still
But friend and I know… and there's this look…
And now you know…"

"I like masturbation better than having sex. Sometimes I tell my husband I'm not in the mood and then masturbate after he falls asleep"

"Back in the good old days of chocolate Exlax, I baked a big batch of
brownies and loaded them with the Exlax. Then donated the brownies to a
church bizarre. Now to the joke started out as really funny, but after I
heard how sick a lot of the people were, I felt so awful and guilty. I
never used that stuff again!"

"My friends and I (around the age of 10-12) had slumber parties almost
weekly. One of the biggest sources of entertainment was to fart and record
them. I had forgotten all about doing it, until I found one of the tapes 10
years later and laughed harder than I did when I was young. You'd here
PPPHHHHTTTT then giggle, giggle, giggle "ewwww that stunk!"

"I hate it when my single friends that have been married before try to commiserate with my loneliness... I just want to scream "But you haven't ALWAYS been alone! You don't REALLY know how I feel!"

"I drove totally nekkid, with a toy vibrating (woo!) to meet my boyfriend for
a late night rendezvous on a quiet side road. Then I got out of the car,
still nekkid and got on the hood of my car where we had fun. No need for
foreplay, he saw me like that and was instantly turned on. There was a
small indentation in my car hood after that wild night! Gave new meaning to
slam, bam, thank you ma'am. "

"When I was about 20, I was the social club treasurer at the company I
worked for then. One week I got into a difficult financial situation
and ended up "borrowing" a few hundred dollars of the club's money. I
spent the next four weeks terrified that someone would find out, but
they didn't. I paid the money back and no-one ever knew. But I felt so
guilty that the next year I gave away being treasurer."

I've had lots of conversations with women about how weird it is that
guys are so turned on by lesbian porn. I've never admitted in any of
these conversations that I actually find it a huge turn on myself,
even though I'm straight.

Thanks to all for sharing your secrets with the rest of us!
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I headed out Saturday morning for my weekend trip to Kansas/Missouri. I headed north on Hwy. 169, turned the cruise control on, and cranked up the music. Sunglasses on, atlas on the seat beside me, a cold drink from Sonic, and I was rolling.

I was excited to go meet my friend Scorpy and her husband. Scorpy and I have been commenting on each other's blogs, chatting, and emailing for quite awhile now. She's just the neatest woman to talk to. I'd wanted to meet up with her in New Orleans a few months back, but was unable to make it. This was an opportunity and I didn' t want to miss it.

The directions I had involved connecting to several different highways in the KC area before heading north. My friend Kathy talked me through the loops and turns on my cell phone and I made it safely to St. Joseph, Missouri. I checked into the hotel, called Scorpy, and they picked me up. We ate at a great Cajun food restaurant, ran around town for awhile, saw the local historical sights (including the house where Jesse James was shot!) and headed to a local bar just across the street from my hotel. Her husband Ray kicked my ass played a few games of pool with me, played with her, and we all had a few drinks, talked, laughed, and enjoyed the live band. I stumbled walked back across the street to my hotel. The room was very hot, I stripped down, turned the AC on high, and crashed out on top of the blanket. I woke up to the sound of sirens and I was freezing! I had breakfast with Scorpy and headed back south to K.C.

I tired to retrace the route I'd taken. I ended up going east when I should've gone south and found myself in Kansas City running smack dab into a closed bridge. The detour took me on a scenic route through lovely North Kansas City. I think it was all Kathy's fault, but she probably disagrees!

I met Kathy at her house and we went out to lunch. The Plaza area of Kansas City is full of cool shops and we ate a restaurant there. She also took me to Union Station which is a stunning sight to see. I of course had to place my fingers in the bullet holes from a long-ago shootout. I promised Kathy I wouldn't say anything about the red lights she ran, so I think I'll just leave that part out. We had a blast just running around and touring the city.

I like to travel and I enjoy driving. Thanks to my wonderful and gracious hostesses on my Midwestern weekend tour!

A couple of other notes:

• I have something to add to the post below. Sometimes a teacher's former student finds his blog, comments on his "Sometimes" post, and brings tears to his eyes. I've received thousands of comments on this blog, but I'm not sure one ever touched me as deeply as this one did. Thank you Rosie. I miss you and everyone else from our little school.
• The secrets post should be up sometime tomorrow. I think you'll enjoy!
  

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Sometimes I wish I was stronger and more decisive.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't afraid to truly love someone again.

Sometimes I can't believe these children are dependent on ME for guidance, direction, and love.

Sometimes I wonder what people would think if they knew the real me.

Sometimes I want to eat something spicy just to feel it burning in my mouth.

Sometimes I count my lucky stars for the friends I've made.

Sometimes I wish I knew which path to take.

Sometimes I stand out in the rain during thunderstorms.

Sometimes I still cry all alone in the dark. Sometimes I don't even know why.

Sometimes I drive at night, turn the music up loud, roll down the window, lean my head to the side, and sing my heart out.

Sometimes I think I don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to dating. Other times I know it for sure.

Sometimes I hear the train whistle blow and fantasize for a brief moment about jumping aboard.

Sometimes I turn the shower temperature so high that it leaves my skin red.

Sometimes I wish I could learn to totally trust someone again.

Sometimes I think about working out and getting in better shape.

Sometimes I absolutely crave to be touched.

Sometimes I love my kids so much that it hurts.

Sometimes I shoot baskets and feel that familiar stroke return like I was still 18.

Sometimes I meet someone for the first time and feel like I've known them forever.

Sometimes I still sleep in my recliner. Actually, thats most of the time.

Sometimes I think my answers will be revealed if I'm patient.

Sometimes I hide from my problems instead of confronting them head-on.

Sometimes I look into my kid's eyes and know that there must be a God.

Sometimes I worry about hurting people who have been very good to me.

Sometimes I start a book and finish it without stopping.

Sometimes I feel my heart is overflowing with an excess of love to give away. Other times I think its empty.

Sometimes I like it when someone calls me on my shit.

Sometimes I think of people I care about at the oddest times.

Sometimes a song is indelibly attached to a person in my head.

Sometimes I wonder why people appear in my life and just disappear.

Sometimes I'm just thankful to be alive.

Sometimes I want to have someone whisper "I love you" in my ear.

Sometimes a woman's mind can turn me on more than any other quality.

Sometimes I hear a success story and wonder how they did it.

Sometimes I think I don't know what I want.

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes I see poetry in simple things.

Sometimes.
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I'm off to the K.C. area but I wanted to leave you with some excellent links to visit this weekend. This week's roundup has some particularly powerful posts. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did.

Monica is addicted to “Big Brother”. Nicole might be addicted to chocolate.

Andrea was just running in circles. Jen was just listening to her son playing the guitar.

R.D. points out bikers raising money for military families. MizKittay points out the Tall Ships Festival.

Breazy got carded. Sara is cute enough to get carded even if she just turned 40.

The Funky Cowboy shares a modern version of the “birds and the bees”. Scorpy shares a secret.

Joan dug herself into a hole. I’d happily dig a hole to plant the rose that Ellen shares with us.

Trucker Bob wants to know what you would do if you had six months to live. I want to know what you think of Laine's sexy audio post.

Momma K re-lives some “period” memories. Babs re-lives how she got started blogging.

Michelle reflects on the value of time. Karen reflects on the value of a good laugh.

Red has a new toy. Ginger does too. Check out her slick new cell phone.

Stationery Queen is so ready for her vacation. Fly Girl is always ready to go to the bookstore.

How do you relax? Ask Mona. You know how your head and your heart don’t always agree? Maddy does.

Rick interviews a special guest. If I interviewed Undergraduate I would ask about her love of pebbles.

T. Marie got her groove back. I could get a groove just reading this post by Bec. (see there Bec…I linked one of your sexy ones J)

Jazzy wonders why her moods change so quickly. Mary Lou wonders who the “Greatest American” is.

Restless Angel pays tribute to her grandfathers. Dawn pays tribute to years of marriage.

Annabel loves her new car. Splendid loves the beginning of summer.

Kim believes that happiness is overrated. Juno’s son believes that boys don’t have it so good.

Naomi Blue is thinking about setting up an art blog. Chuck is thinking that the new show “My Name is Earl” sounds pretty funny.

Vickie remembers her father. Muse remembers meeting her corruptor.

Caren is selling purses for a good cause. Check it out! Stephanie is remembering what she did last month…and last year.

Need some cash? Set Teresa up on a date. Want to know what your lurkers are doing? Walker has the goods on them.

Roselle wants to know if the human race is losing. Lisa wants to know what you would do about this moral quandary.

Kathy is swooning over her Englishman. New Wave Gurly still swoons over The Beatles.

Sallie shares her baby picture. Jack shares a letter to his children.

Sally wonders why life goes by so quickly. It sounds like Cyn’s vacation is going by nicely.

Brenda is headed off to a baseball tournament. Steph is busy planning summer activities.

Inky got a nasty sunburn. Nameless got into kitty wars at home.

Michele is setting up an imaginary fund drive. Spew some profanity? Pay up! Sounds like Wanda would owe her a few bucks.

Sleeping Mommy set up quite a debate with her thoughts about gay men. Lip Schtick did the same with her Osmonds/Sonny and Cher question.

Phyllis last got drunk 18 years ago. Janet listened to the Back Street Boys long ago.

Melanie wants her readers to know the truth. Angel wanted someone to know a blog secret.

Chosha thinks fifteen is the best age. Andie thinks adults shouldn’t be squeamish when it comes to watching and talking about sex.

Tish wondered if God would call her home if she didn’t have any comments. Jen received a lot of comments on her blogiversary.

What happens when you ingest a lot of salt water? Ask A.J. What happens when you have a thoughtful and awesome mom? That would make you John.

Diana has been running with her daughter. Shelli went to the park with her kids.

Edge could die in his sleep and be happy and content with his life. Read this post…please. Erin wasn’t happy with the people at the jury duty office

DL quit smoking. Jennifer wants to stop sitting on other people’s warm chairs.

Kristine is trying to make up for the way she treated her sister. Housing contractors aren’t treating Chaotic Serenity very nicely.

Aka Monty doesn’t think she’ll be getting the mom of the year award. Janine doesn’t think she likes a nearby house catching on fire.

Safiyyah remembers a teacher gone mad. Caitlin goes mad when people borrow her stuff.

Shirazi shares his love of birds. Rachel shares her fondness for her friend’s husband.

Jen is buying a house. Joe is submitting some of his writing to an agent. We knew you when Joe.

Satisfied Spouse shares a picture and a song. Anne shares her thoughts about the stepford wives she knows.

Faith was looking for some special shaving advice. Christine was looking for a break from blogging.

Take a few moments and spread some comments to these worthy bloggers. You'll feel better...trust me.

Reminder to those who plan to share a secret for an upcoming post. Sunday night please! Don't say you really wanted to do it but missed the deadline. Send it in! :)

Have a great weekend in this first official weekend of summer. Tell at least one person that you love them.

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My brother generously bought me a book for my birthday. He knows I love to read and he thought I would enjoy "Worlds That Weren't", a collection of four stories by alternative history writers. I like this genre of books. The authors take a look at how things might've been. What if the South had won the American Civil War? What if the British had put down the American Revolution? What if Lincoln had lost his presidential election in 1860? What if Einstein had ended up pumping gas instead of making some of the most important scientific discoveries in history? What if Hitler had not decided to open up a Russian front? What if Native American tribes had won the battles of the West? The "what ifs" are endless, and examining them helps me better understand the significance of what really DID happen.

What if you'd dropped out of school? Married your high school sweetheart instead of that bad boy that turned your head? Decided to have children? Took that year in Europe that you dreamed about? Went to law school? Used a condom that night? Had really NOT had sex with that woman? Had that threesome when you had the chance? Gotten divorced when you really wanted to? Not gotten divorced and tried to work it out? Not had that fight with your brother? Said you were sorry instead of letting pride stand in the way?

Its not unnatural to apply the same thing to our own lives is it? For fun, I thought I would write a few alternative history vignettes myself. The first part of each is true. The second part examines the alternative history that couldn't resulted with a different circumstance or situtation.

Scenario: Brian dropped out of college for a year in early 1980's. He was burnt out and tired of being broke all the time. He went to work with a friend and spent months installing a new sprinkler system on a golf course in western Oklahoma. After that year he couldn't wait to go back to school and finish his degree. What if he hadn't?

Brian has now been working in construction for over 20 years. He's smart enough to get fairly good at his trade. He can run heavy machinery and is adept in other aspects of his work. He lost one finger and part of another one in an accident some years back. His work buddies always roll their eyes when he tells them that he once wanted to be a teacher. He stimulates his intellect by reading books. He hates getting up and going to work in the mornings. Its not the hard work he minds. Its that he always knew he wasn't really cut out for this. Its honorable work, but its not for him. Now he's trapped. He has a mortgage and a family to support. He drinks too much and lashes out angrily, feeling that life is just passing him by.


Scenario: Brian and his first wife tried everything to conceive a child. Extensive medical testing revealed blocked Fallopian tubes. Surgery failed to correct the problem. They decided to adopt instead. What if the surgery had been successful?

Brian is the father of two children, both boys. Its a struggle raising Jonathan and Brian Jr., but he enjoys his children and loves both of the boys very much. If they'd had a girl they were going to name her Aubree, but it never happened and they decided to stop after two boys. The boys stayed with him after their divorce. There's this cute little girl named Cassie with beautiful eyes that is in his son's 5th grade class. She is always polite and respectful to him, is a stellar student, plays soccer, and is a talented performer. If he'd had a daughter, he would want one like her. He knows she is adopted and thinks her parents are lucky to have a girl like her. In his other son's school there is a blonde haired boy named Brett. He's also adopted, is autistic, and obviously has some problems at school. But he is so friendly, lovable, and creative. Brian is always drawn to talking to him at school events and is fascinated by the way his mind seems to work.

Scenario: Brian meets a woman on the internet in 1996. He's going through a divorce and feels lonely. He begins talking to this woman, connects with her, meets her, and marries her about a year and a half after their first chat. He quits his job in his hometown, packs up his kids, and moves out of state for the first time in his life to be with her and begin life anew.

Brian is the assistant superintendent of schools in his hometown school system. He's been a principal for years and now has a job in the central office. He misses the day-to-day contact with kids but enjoys the opportunity to influence the entire district. Its been hard, but he finally has finished his doctorate. He didn't think he'd ever get that damn dissertation done. The kids have spent their entire lives here in this town. He still lives at his little house on Hickory Street. The garage has been turned into a workshop, and he and Patrick spend hours out there working on projects. His book collection numbers in the thousands. Brian hasn't experienced hot Louisiana summers or cool Washington ones. He's never been to a Mardi Gras parade, camped on Mount Rainier, or dipped his toes in the ocean. He never remarried, is a respectable member of the community, serves on several boards, and lectures at conferences on technology, curriculum, and other school issues.

Scenario: Brian majored in math and computer science until his sophomore year of college. He'd wanted to be a teacher, but others had told him that he shouldn't. There's no money in it. A smart guy shouldn't waste his talents working in a thankless job for no money. At the end of his sophomore year he gave into that still small voice in his ear and switched his major. What if he hadn't?

Brian is a programmer working for a Fortune 500 company. He makes a very good salary, vacations in the Caribbean and hits Las Vegas a couple of times a year. He's good at what he does. He's been fascinated by computers since working on the huge mainframes at his dad's company. He loves the challenge of programming and enjoys seeing the finished product. He likes his job but something seems to be missing. He spend most of his time in front of his monitor at work. He enjoys his colleagues at work and loves working together to solve a problem. But every day on the way home he drives by a school. He sees kids on the playground or walking down the sidewalk with books in their hand. Not a day goes by when he doesn't wonder if he did the right thing.

What could've been. What wasn't. All of our lives could've had many different stories. Maybe better. Maybe worse. Who's to say? We make our choices. We deal with circumstances as they present themselves. We live with the consequences.

This is not to say that we should spend our life saying "what if?". We shouldn't, and many do too much of it. But the choices we make, why we make them, how we make them, and the consequences that fall from them? They teach us much about ourselves.

I'm writing my own history right now. I wonder what alternative histories I'll have to ponder twenty years from now?
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Its midweek but it doesn't feel quite the same when I'm not working! Every day looks a lot like the day before or the day after.

The kids left for London on Saturday. We spent a lot of time making sure they were properly packed, getting the suitcase and the carry-ons organized, and we headed out for the airport Saturday morning. About halfway there Aubree realized she hadn't brought her carry-on bag. Uh oh. We made a mad dash back, grabbed the bag, and still made it to the airport in good time. We hugged and kissed, said our goodbyes, and I watched them disappear past the security checkpoint with their aunt.

I miss them. I missed them a lot sooner than I thought I would. The house is so quiet. My living room is as clean as it was yesterday. The lights are off in their rooms. I have a habit of wandering in at night just to make sure they're ok, and I'm looking at empty beds. I still do it nonetheless.

Aubree called me from England on Sunday. She wished me a happy Father's Day, we talked about the flight and the plans they had. She handed the phone to Patrick. I asked him, "were you good on the flight over for your aunt?". He said, "well, mostly Dad.". I chuckled and said, "what do you mean mostly." He replied, "well, I might've been asking her too many questions."
"So why did you ask so many questions?". He sighed and said, "Dad, you know how curious I am. I just wanted to know things."

So whats a guy to do with all this time? No kids? No work?

I've been painting a house for my mom. Thats a real blast in the hot Oklahoma sun.

I've taken the rare opportunity to get out of the house and meet some people. I've hung out some with my local blogger friend Red. She's a hoot. There's a date or two mixed into my social calendar but I wouldn't want to bore everyone with details about that.

I'm heading up to the Kansas City area this weekend. I'm not meeting Scorpy and friends just because she's promised me a really cool button. But it doesn't hurt ;). I'm looking forward to getting out of this city and state and a chance to see new friends and old.

I'm also taking this opportunity to give my house a thorough cleaning. Its easier to motivate myself to clean when I know it will actually be clean the next day. I'm going through closets and boxes, getting rid of clothes we don't wear anymore, and doing some organizing. The kids will come home to sparkling clean rooms, all neatly appointed.

Thanks once again to all those who revealed their secrets below. Its been quite a week of secrets revealed and a surprise or two. I've had quite a few requests to do it again from people who say THIS time they will participate! I'll do another secrets post next week if there is sufficient response. Open to all and of course confidential and anonymous. So you procrastinators...I'm putting you to the test! :) Except you Joan....confessing to the murder of your lesbian lover that had an affair with your dog? Try to pick another one! The deadline is Sunday night.

So how is YOUR week going?
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Thanks to all who participated by sending in their secrets via email. I appreciate the trust you showed in me to do so. As promised, I am publishing the secrets anonymously and even throwing one or two of my own into the mix. Here they are:

When I was younger, a doctor told me that when I delivered my first child, my "hymen" would break...because it never did during intercourse but I had three c'sections. It never has. I like that. So did my husband.

I'm a voyeur and love to watch other people have sex.

Every once in a while, I get in "a mood," and the only sexual satisfaction I can achieve is via anal penetration.

I have a huge "girlie" crush on Bec over at "Gravity"


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My cousin Amy (well, she's some kind of cousin. How does that 2nd cousin, once-removed stuff, etc. work anyway?) had a wall size family tree made. It started with a Civil War soldier named Jeremiah and ended with kids like Patrick and Aubree! She also created a family website and I helped myself to a few of the pictures she scanned. What did all of us have in common on Saturday? We are descended from this guy below or married into the family.



Jeremiah could've used a little work on the hair, but with that knife
I don't think I would've told him that. After the war he came west and
began a family.



It makes you think. What kind of man was he? Was he scarred by the war? Was he a practical man or a dreamer? Did he find what he was looking for when he headed west? Was he a good father? Did he love his wife with a passion? What dreams did he achieve and which ones did he take to his grave? Did he live his life the way he wanted or did events just seize control?



Do you remember the scene early in the movie "Dead Poets Society"? Robin Williams takes his students out to look at old pictures in the trophy case and he asks questions like that. "We're all food for the worms someday lads." Carpe diem!



His great grandson, Wylie, was my great grandfather and lived well into
my teenage years. I was telling a story about him to a great aunt earlier today. He got me in the car with him and I was perhaps 12 years old. He had to be pushing 80 even then and his driving was scary. He ran a stop sign, almost got hit by another car, and came to a full stop in the middle of the street. He proceeded to shake his fist at the other driver and let out a stream of cuss words. I was looking for a hole to crawl into.



Wylie's sister was at the reunion yesterday and she is in her late 90's.



It makes you wonder doesn't it? Will people be gathered 100 years from now looking at old pictures of me and wondering like I do about Jeremiah? Will they wonder the same things that I do? They might look at a picture like the one below:



These are my grandparents and their grandchildren. My grandmother was Wylie's daughter. You can spot me with my shaggy hair in the upper left part of the picture.

Who was that guy they might ask? What did he do? What kind of legacy did he leave behind? Thats his great grandaughter sitting right over there. Maybe we should find out more about him. Think she'll remember any stories? Ah yes, there's a picture of him smiling. I wonder what he was happy about? He doesn't look so happy in that one. I wonder why? Those are his kids. Aren't they cute?

We live here on this planet for what is a blink of an eye in the big scheme of things. We live our lives. We learn from each other. We make our mark in this world. Then we pass it on to the next generation. Like Jeremiah did. Like Wylie did. Like my grandparents did. Now its our turn. The torch is in our hand. We don't have it for long. What are we going to do with it?

What am I going to do with it?

Carpe diem, my friends. Seize the day. Gather ye rosebud while ye may.
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I've received some great responses on my secrets post idea. I don't quite have enough for "critical mass" yet, so I thought I'd set a deadline of tomorrow night to submit your secret. If all goes well, I'll put the post up on Tuesday. Have you been holding back? If so, send it on in. You'll feel better!
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I will celebrate Father's Day by spending some time with my dad on Sunday afternoon. This will be the first Father's Day I've spent with him in many years. I've done the cards and the phone calls, but it is wonderful to be able to be there in person. My dad is a special guy.

I wrote about dad's life in this post last year. I always thought I had a great dad while I was growing up and learned to appreciate him even more as an adult. What I love most about him is how he treats people. He is perhaps the most genuine, warm, caring man I've ever met. My dad is the real deal. He continues to amaze me to this day.

When autism was first indicated as a possibility for Patrick through the school psychologist's tests I drove by my parent's house. Fighting back tears I shared with them what I had suspected for some time. Patrick wasn't developing normally and the quirks I noticed in him could no longer be shrugged off. Now here it was in black and white. Autism. My son. I was sitting on the couch talking and my dad stood up and walked across the room. He placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "Patrick may never be the star quarterback of the football team. But when you've raised kids like I have you understand whats important and things like that aren't important. What is important is that you love him and want the best for him. I just want my kids to be happy. That is what you'll want for him too."

I called my parent's house a couple of days after Lee told me that she wanted out of our marriage. I sobbed into the phone talking to my mother and after a time she handed the phone to my dad. His calming voice rang clear over the telephone wire. He said, "son, you're a good man. I'm so sorry that things aren't working out. I know you love her. I'm here and I'll help you any way I can."

Dad's health isn't the best anymore. He struggles to get around but he is determined. One of his favorite lines? "I'm 74 years old but I don't look a day over 73!" He goes to my niece's basketball games and continues to coach her in the backyard. He recently started taking an art class and is enjoying his newfound hobby, sitting in his room painting. He recently developed an interest in Incan history and culture and has spent hours doing research online. He continues to enjoy his lifelong interest in basketball and still draws plays on stray sheets of typing paper. He hasn't been on the local school board in many years but still fields calls and visits from people asking advice about what to do with problems at local schools. He still has an interest in geophysics and corresponds with old friends in the field. His interests are wide...Roman and Greek history, the Victorian era, the British royal family, and stories of the American West. He gave me a book last week.....an oral history of the Chinese Cultural Revolution.

He still has an eye for a beautiful woman and doesn't hesitate to point one out to me. When I was younger we'd be driving along the highway and a beautiful woman would drive by us. He would get my attention and point her out and make a comment about how beautiful she was. My mom would just roll her eyes at us.

He has spent a lot of time with Patrick and it is touching to me to watch the two of them together. When I stopped by to pick Patrick up a few days ago, dad told me, "Patrick has been painting with me and he really seems to like it. I know you don't want him making a mess of your house but I think it would be good if you would allow him to paint under your supervision." He was even good natured when Patrick reprogrammed his remote control to switch only between cartoon channels.

One of the things that happens at my age is that you know your parent's days are numbered. My dad won't be around forever. He has already lived past the point where all the doctors thought he would. It makes me sad to think of a day where my dad won't be there. He has taught me so much. I always wanted to be just like him. He was an important man who travelled the world, but his heart was always here with his family.

One of my high school basketball games got snowed out and rescheduled. My dad had a trip to Iran that had been on the calendar for months. He changed his trip so that he could attend my game. He didn't miss a single game...not one. We would always dissect the game when I got home that night. He remembered every shot...every pass...every steal. Whether I played great or poorly, he was full of encouragement. That was my dad.

Now I see him almost every day. We talk about work, politics, history, women, sports, art, books, and many other things. I share my funny school stories with him. He tells me something funny that Patrick said that afternoon. Sometimes he'll be sitting in the backyard drawing on a sketchpad. I'll grab a basketball and shoot while we talk. He encourages me to write a book...or two.

I want to be a dad like mine for my own kids. Its the best tribute I can think of to him.

Happy Father's Day Dad! And a Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there who love your kids and do the best you can by them.
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The weekend is here already. My kids leave for England in a few hours. All their bags are packed, they're ready to go, they're standing here outside the door, ...... Ok, I'll stop singing. I'm excited for them to have this opportunity. I'll enjoy the time. I'll miss them like crazy.

What you won't miss is this weekend's roundup. There are some fantastic posts to read. Please enjoy!

Angel talks of being woken up the right way! Erin talks about why she wants to live in Buffalo.

Michelle hurt someone and doesn’t feel good about it. Stacey’s daughter and surgery and she was worried.

Ginger has done some interesting things. Sally’s grandkids did something pretty wild.

How much attention is too much or not enough? Mystic Spirit wants to know. Would you want to go to a restaurant where you ordered from the toilet? Les Girly is curious.

Splendid wants the Waffle House burial plan. The dating service wants Annabel to sit for a photo shoot.

Joan went to a wedding reception. The Funky Cowboy is going to see Charley Pride.

Father’s Day is a tough holiday for Walker. Not drinking during summer festivities is tough for Red Head Gal but she’s hanging tough.

Lisa puts her friend’s dilemna out there and asks for advice. Leenie’s dilemna was getting her ex husband to spend some time with their son.

Red hates her husband’s mustache. Goody hates memes.

Scorpy doesn’t like her job very much. Penny doesn’t like closed-in spaces.

Karen shares pictures from her trip. Joe shares about his meeting with some fellow bloggers.

R.D. reports on the creation of a Yankees motorcycle. Molly reports on the first day of her new job.

Undergraduate “borrowed” her daughter’s perfume. Monica jumped on her daughter’s case and had to admit she was wrong.

Trick almost had a good post. Nameless plans to do some whining in future posts. Its good for her!

Mona thinks we should set aside some time to worry. Vickie set aside some time to thank the special people in her life.

Phyllis shares a picture of a happy couple. Sara shares her thoughts about internet friendships.

Stephanie is addicted to break-up songs. Amanda might be addicted to Ebay.

New Wave Gurly has finished her classes and is taking a trip. Frani has been doing some summer reading.

Sleeping Mommy pays a beautiful tribute to her dad. It’s a tribute to Jack that he reads Dr. Seuss to his kids.

Wanda climbed up on her soapbox. Stationery Queen is annoyed by friends who are “busy”.

Shirazi demonstrates the difference between male and female brains. SonSon demonstrates that all moms aren’t equal.

Roselle got hit on by a professional football player. Cyn’s daughter got her wisdom teeth yanked out.

Che wonders about smooth talkers. Satisfied Spouse wonders where her sexuality went.

Trucker Bob was thinking about paying $1000 per comment. I’m thinking about the statistic Sallie shared. 1.7 million people are having sex right now and I’m sitting at my computer.

Juno’s had a debate with her son about censorship. Guess who was in favor? Kathy took her sons fishing. No debate about whether a good time was had by all.

Andie doesn’t like whitening strips. Vince doesn’t like five things that the rest of society seems to love.

Leslie shares some pictures of her flowers. Mary Lou shares an old Mother’s Day card from her son.

Prince Charming has some blog crushes but won’t tell who they are. We know who Faith is dating. She likes him better now that he isn’t wooing her so much.

Bec wants to know what you would sell your soul for. John might’ve sold his just to get out of the Louisiana heat.

Lewis thinks they should stop putting warning labels on products. If they put warning labels on jerks, Bobbie has some candidates.

April has a new piece of jewelry. Brenda has some new ouchies. Cactus and people don’t mix well.

Restless Angel hasn’t been feeling well. Nicole doesn’t feel right when people violate her personal space.

Shelli celebrates three years of blogging. T.Marie blogs and dreams of being a writer. Aka Monty celebrates Bloggers Day.

FlyGirl wishes she could use her imagination like she did as a child. Dawn wished her day hadn’t been quite so long.

Larry has a date…on Aug. 6^th. The Incurable Insomniac went to a party but pooped out early!

Susan enjoys working the graveyard shift. Chosha enjoys talking to her friend.

Cindra experienced a perfect summer morning. Alithea is experiencing the feeling of breathing normally again.

DL is a proud grandma. Janet is a birthday girl. Please go by and wish her a happy one!

Kathy remembers her wedding day. Diana remembers chaperoning a 5^th grade graduation party.

Maddy wonders what your definition of honesty is. Jazzy wonders if she believes in “soul mates”.

Inky shares observations about air travel. Babs shares some thoughts on banner ads.

LilRed gets a chuckle about a search that led to her site. Laine wasn’t chuckling when she found out she had shingles.

Safiyyah ponders questions of religious tolerance. Muse ponders her marriage.

Pay these fine writers a visit and spread some comments their way please! Have a great weekend!

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I've got this idea for a post. Its inspired by the popular site, PostSecret. If you haven't been there before go take a look. Its quite fascinating. People send in postcards with an anonymous secret they want to share. The blogger then posts the secrets.

Suppose I did something like that here? I could request readers to email me a secret. I'll copy, paste, and post them anonymously in one large post. For fun, I'll toss a few secrets of my own into the mix. It could be entertaining, revealing, and a lot of fun.

The difference between my idea and PostSecrets is of course that I would know who sent the secret. I understand that some might not be comfortable with that. The only think I can give is my solemn pledge that I'll take the secret, post it anonymously, and never reveal to anyone whose secrets they are.

Got a secret you wanna share? Dying to share it perhaps? Get something off your chest? Trust me enough to email to me? I'm serious about protecting your secret and your privacy. Lets hear it. If I get a big enough response I'll do a post. If not...well...it was a crazy idea.

Whaddya think? If I receive a critical mass....lets say 10, then I will do the post. If not, I'll delete your email and move on to my next crazy idea.
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all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.

How is it that places, buildings, geographical locations can burn themselves into your memory forever? Since moving back to my hometown I see a lot of them. Some I drive by every day. Others surprise me. I'm driving along, I take a turn, and its there. Some long ago event floods back into my head. Other places I seek out. I know they are out there and I want to see them again. They trigger memories...happy, sad, funny, sweet, and painful.

• I took Aubree out to a friend's house a couple of weeks ago. I was in something of a sad, reflective mood. On the way back I impulsively took a left turn instead of heading back home. The road took me out to the lake, a place I often frequented as a boy. I can't believe we used to WALK out there...its gotta be several miles. I pulled off the road and looked around. Over there is the small white building where we bought bait to fish with and cold Cokes to drink. To my right was the stretch of grass we camped on when I was in Boy Scouts. It was also my favorite teenage makeout place until I got busted by the deputy sheriff. Just over the hill is the waterfall we used to go play in. I sat there for about 15 minutes, just soaking it all in, and drove home in a much better mood. This place is part of me.
• On the way back I drove by the entrance to a piece of property my grandmother owns. We always knew it as the "Marineland". My grandfather bought it after he retired from American Airlines. Its about 60 acres with a lake and a "swimming hole". I spent a lot of my teenage years out there...swimming, rowing a boat lazily around the lake listening to football games on the radio, helping my grandfather build that shed over there, sitting on those chairs talking to my "grampy" about life, emptying all the big carp out of the "slew", and bringing my friends out for fun times. Swimming in the moonlight with our girlfriends was a favorite activity! I married my first wife under that grove of trees over there. Her dad drove her to the "altar" in a Z-28 Camaro. I was young, had a headful of frizzy hair, a cheesy mustache, and was in love. This place is part of me
  
• I stopped at a local pizza joint to eat a few weeks ago. I proposed to my first wife at that table in the corner. (romantic, eh?). This was the gathering place for all of us after high school basketball games. My friends and I would take over the corner table and all those around it. We'd all throw a few bucks on the table, order pizza and cokes, and talk about the game. I remember a teammate saying, "Brian, you were a BEAST tonight out there." The next week he was saying, "What the hell happened to you tonight? You couldn't hit anything!" He was right both times. If I stopped by this place on Friday or Saturday night I was bound to run into someone I knew. The owners were cool about letting us drink Cokes without ordering when we didn't have any money to buy pizza. This place is part of me as well.
• Almost daily I drive by the house I owned on Hickory Street. This was the first real house (mobile homes don't count!) that I ever owned. I fixed cracks in the driveway. I re-painted the entire inside. I ripped the carpet up and stripped the hardwood floors. I yanked out the suspended ceiling and raised it to its former glory. I spent many hours painting the intricate French doors. I put a new roof on that house....shingle by hand nailed shingle. I installed that security light that points out into the front yard. The little lady next door doesn't look a day older than the day I moved out over eight years ago. Patrick toddled around that backyard and kicked a soccer ball with me. Once I was showing off to him and kicked it right through our bedroom window. A swingset he got for his birthday once sat in the backyard. I could choose another route to get home, but I don't. This place is part of me.
• Sometimes I take a detour and drive out by one of the local cemeteries. My grandfather and sister are buried there. I carried my grandfather's casket there on a dreadfully cold, rainy day. We buried my youthful sister there on a crisp cool day on a February afternoon. One of my students is buried there. He dropped dead of a heart attack in 6th grade. I drove a bus of over 60 middle school kids out there for the services. He would be in his mid 20's today if he had lived. There are familiar names on many of the tombstones...local names from local families. There is a good chance I'll be buried here some day as well. This place is a part of me.
• Then there is the local middle school where I spent five years as the vice principal. It was a place I loved. The friends I met there, the people I worked with, and the kids that passed through those halls...just a flood of memories. I remember the day that marquee outside was installed. I repainted that brick structure that announces the name of the school. I did playground duty and bus duty out there countless times. I poured my heart and soul into that school. My son attended there this year and I had several occasions to go visit. I smile when I see that a class I created and named is still being offered. I enjoy seeing my old friends. Its not the same of course....you're not part of the "team" anymore. Still, I like driving by there and sometimes go out of my way to do it. I have to. You see, this place is part of me.
• I sometimes like driving through the neighborhood we lived in until I was 10 years old. I drive down the hill I had my first bike crash on. I cruise by the tiny school I attended in grades 1-4. I note the big rocks we used to climb on. The baseball fields I played on are still there. One of them has a concession stand. One day we were messing around there and found the concession stand unlocked. We walked in and there were goodies everywhere! Candy, soda pop, big jars of pickles just laying there for the taking. We grabbed a bunch of stuff and ran to the rocks, hid out in one of the crevices and stuffed our faces. I got very sick to my stomach.....poetic justice at its finest. I drive by my friend's houses..Mike, Chris, Roberta, and Cheryl. I remember playing in their yards and sipping lemonade on their front porches. We picked mulberries in those woods and swam in that creek. I call it the old neighborhood and its most definitely a part of me.
• Sometimes I drive a few miles away to the small town where I spent most of my high school years. The school is still there with a few additions. Everything else is much different. The local hangout where I drank chocolate shakes and wasted many hours playing foosball? Its a laundromat now. My friend's houses are still there but who knows who lives in them? The old gym is still there I'm sure. I wonder if there is still that hole in the boy's locker room where we could see into the girl's locker room? The old football field is still there. I underwent initiation to the Lettermen's club on that field. The process involved upperclassmen cracking raw eggs on my forehead and emptying them into my open mouth. Ugh. The next year I got to do the same thing to the next class. When I look at the school I remember my classmates and I roaming those halls...young, silly, vigorous, and full of ideas. The place was once ours, and it is surely a part of me.
• When I'm in Tulsa I like to drive by the Riverparks area. I've been going there since I was a teenager. There is a pedestrian bridge that takes you across the river to a beachy area. There are walking trails that lead to the floating ampitheater and the grounds where many local festivals are held. I like just standing on the bridge. You can hear the sound of the river beneath you. The city lights are right in front of you. A cool breeze inevitably blows across your face. I feel peaceful there. I like to go even if only for a few minutes. That place is part of me.
  

• I sometimes take the kids to a local park. Its a park I played in as a boy. I rode my neighbor's motorcycle there without my protective mom finding out. We raced our bikes there. We got in BB gun fights just out in that field. (my mom didn't know about that either!) We dipped our feet into the stream water on hot summer days. Sometimes we'd go across the street to the produce stand, buy a bag of cherries, sit there and eat them, and throw the seeds into the water. We hunted crawdads in the little pools that formed. We played football in the open field. Sometimes we'd spend the entire day there. It was our little corner of childhood heaven. Its also most assuredly part of me.
  

There are these and so many others. You can call me a sentimentalist and you'd be right. You know what? I don't want to be any other way. I've tried my inner cynic on for size and I don't like it. I'm me....sappy and silly, romantic and trusting, onery and playful, a little naive sometimes, not always as responsible as I should be, flawed and imperfect.

I embrace my past while looking ahead. I wouldn't trade this life for anything. All the moments. All the failures. All the triumphs. Moments of ecstasy. Moments of incredible sadness. Feeling wanted. Not feeling wanted. Feeling like a man. Feeling like a failure. Being satisfied. Wanting so much more. Friendships formed and lost. Love sworn and abandoned. They are all mine.

In my life I've loved them all.
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Its the middle of the week, but it feels like Friday! Today was my last day of work until Aug. 11th. Whats a guy to do?

I turned in my keys, my walkie talkie, and my faculty handbook. All the accoutrements of my position....gone! A school administrator with no keys is like a football player without a helmet. I'll probably still reach for the walkie talkie on my waist a few times just out of habit.

The office staff went out to lunch at the Delta Cafe today. Southern food! We had a great time rehashing the year, telling funny stories, and sharing our summer plans. All of these people work so hard and are so dedicated to the kids. I'm proud to work with them...I really mean that.

Wow. I'm overwhelmed by the birthday wishes, the e-cards, the emails, and the surprise guest posts by the lovely Steph and the marvelous Caren. (they really were a surprise!) Did I ever mention that I just love y'all? Love isn't too strong of a word for what I feel.

Then there were the blog birthday posts. A.J., Kathy, April, New Wave Gurly, Sally, and Steph all made posts and sent people here. I always tell the kids at school when they are in bad spirits, "c'mon now. Aren't you feeling the love around here?" I'm feeling the love and I'm humbled and gratified by it.

Be sure and wish a happy birthday to Vickie who shares today's birthday with me.

Aubree has been gone to church camp since Monday morning. She comes home tomorrow evening and I have one day with her before she heads off to England for two weeks. Patrick and I have been doing the "guy" thing this week...just the two of us. Both of them are soooo excited about this trip.

Packing. I have to get both of them packed properly for a two week international trip. I spent last night sorting socks...must have socks! I'm trying to be one of those efficient packers. You know...the ones who don't just throw everything in the suitcase, sit on it, and lock it shut. I'm trying to be ever so methodical in all this.

Aubree asked me, "Dad, what are you going to do with yourself while we're gone?" I said, "I'm going to par-tay! (and did a little dance). She replied, "Dad, you are NOT. Are you?" I said, "I just might!". She shook her head, looked at me, and said, "you better not let ANYONE into my room, ok?" *Laugh*

When I dropped Aubree off to head to camp early Monday morning we unloaded her stuff and I got ready to leave. There were kids milling around all over the place. I said, "c'mere and give me a kiss goodbye!" She did so very reluctantly and whispered, "Dad, you should've given me a goodbye kiss before we got out of the van!"

After I drop the kids off at the airport I'll be attending my family reunion. Its my mom's side of the family and people will begin arriving tomorrow. I'm excited to see them all.

Thanks again to everyone for all of your birthday wishes. I felt special today and it feels damn good.

So how is YOUR week going?
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I heard it was your birthday... ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

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ee Happy Birthday, Brian!!! ee
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New Wave Gurly has done a tag-back on me and asked me to name my current six favorite songs. Ok, this is a meme I can handle. There are the timeless songs that I'll always love. But my current six favorites? They may not be new songs, but they are what is grabbing me at this moment. Ask me next week? You’ll probably get a different answer.

"You Don't Know Me" (Ray Charles) - the master's take on an old classic. Beautiful melody, poignant lyrics, and the bitter longing that comes with unrequited love. Its all there.

No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night;
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend.
That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me.

You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me


"Angie" (Rolling Stones) - Whenever I hear this song I end up singing it to myself for days. I listened to it a few days ago and haven't been able to stop singing it.

Angie, angie, when will those clouds all disappear?
Angie, angie, where will it lead us from here?
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You can’t say we’re satisfied
But angie, angie, you can’t say we never tried
Angie, you’re beautiful, but ain’t it time we said good-bye?
Angie, I still love you, remember all those nights we cried?
All the dreams we held so close seemed to all go up in smoke
Let me whisper in your ear:
Angie, angie, where will it lead us from here?
Oh, angie, don’t you weep, all your kisses still taste sweet
I hate that sadness in your eyes
But angie, angie, ain’t it time we said good-bye?


I've Got You Under My Skin (by Michael Buble) - Buble does a great job with this timeless Sinatra great. The lyrics say it all.

I’ve got you under my skin
I’ve got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you’re really a part of me
I’ve got you under my skin

I’ve tried so not to give in
I’ve said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That I’ve got you under my skin

I’d sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Don’t you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
’cause I’ve got you under my skin


"Hold The Line" (Toto) - another one of those tunes I just can't seem to get out of my head.

It's not in the way that you hold me
It's not in the way you say you care
It's not in the way you've been treating my friends
It's not in the way that you'll stay till the end
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do

Hold the line
Love isn't always on time

It's not in the words that you told me
It's not in the way you say you're mine
It's not in the way that you came back to me
It's not in the way that your love set me free
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you do


"Last Child" (Aerosmith) - No profound lyrics, but a rockin’ good time.

Stand up, sit down
Don't do nothing
It ain't no good when boss man's
Stuffin' down their throats
For paper notes
And their babies cry
While cities lie at their feet
When you're rockin' the street

Home sweet home

Mama, take me home sweet home

I was the last child
I'm just a punk in the street

"The Kid Is Hot Tonite" (Loverboy) - When I'm feeling good about myself, I enjoy listening to songs like this. Maybe my new theme song? Hehe.

We just heard of a brand new way
and we hope it’s here to stay
We’ll have to wait and see
if it’s half of what they say
We heard he opened up a brand new door
well you know that’s what I’m lookin’ for
we’ll have to wait and see if it makes you shout for more
How do you like him so far? 
How do you like his show?
How do you like the way he rocks and the way he rolls?
How do you like his image?
How do you like his style?
How do you like the way he looks and the way he smiles?
CHORUS:
The Kid is hot tonight
whoa so hot tonight

I don’t think I’ll tag anyone this time, but feel free to play!

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My birthday is June 15th (same day as Vickies...I knew there was a reason I liked her!). Coincidentally, this also is my last day of work before I digress into summer idleness. I'm planning no celebrations, even though my mom mentioned having a combination my birthday/Dad's birthday/Father's Day shindig of some kind.

So what have I learned in the last year? Has it really been a year? My last birthday party was a bittersweet one. My life has changed so much since then. I've changed so much since then. I don't know if there has ever been a span like this in my life where so many things have changed in one year. A year can be like a lifetime when everything is changing and moving.

I was re-reading last year's birthday post. I glanced through the comments and saw some familiar names: Ellen, Dawn, Phyllis, Mary Lou, Brenda, Joel, Leslie, Shelli, Flax, Faith, Kim, Sweety and a couple of others that have since departed the blogging world. Has it really been a year? You guys made it through this year with me. They were here when I was at my very lowest and they are still hanging around today. I love y'all and all the friends I've made since then.

I'm 44 years old on that day. I remember being a young boy and wondering what the world would be like at the turn of the century. Now here I am at middle age. I drive the same streets I used to bicycle on with my friends. I drive past the schools I attended. I run into my middle aged classmates at the supermarket. I could've have imagined then the life I've led. I couldn't have foreseen the successes I've had or the bitter disappointments I've endured. I probably can't foresee the ones I'll experience in the coming years either.

A birthday is a milestone and a celebration of yet another year alive on this planet. As Elton John would croon, "I'm Still Standing". I've made it through the worst. I have a good job, a wonderful family, kids I adore, and fantastic friends. I've had many experiences in the last year that I wouldn't trade for anything. Reunions with old friends. Meetings with new ones. Priceless moments at home and work. Quiet times of lonely desperation. Tender moments that make me want more.

So what do I want for my birthday this year? An IPOD? Oh yeah. A digital camera? For sure. Some good summer reading? Absolutely. Drakkar cologne? Uh huh. Some cool new music? I wouldn't complain a bit.

But the things I really want can't be found in stores or ordered online. I want my kids to be happy, settled, and optimistic about our lives. I want to continue to improve in my professional life and live up to all of my potential. I want good health for my family and friends. I want to experience new things, meet new people, and explore new places. I want to grow as a man and become everything I can be. I want to straighten out my financial situation and remove that source of stress. I want to move out of survival mode and embrace life and all it has to offer. I want to love and be loved. I want to trust and be trusted. I want peace.

I'm optimistic. I'm looking forward. I'm ready for the next year. Line those candles up...I'm ready to blow out all 44 of those puppies!
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My mom noted that Aubree had a friendship with a black kid her age down the block. She said, "its not too early to begin talking to her about this." About what? "You know, about the fact that she shouldn't date boys of other races. Its ok to be friends, but thats where the line should be drawn."

Dating? She is ten years old. She is years away from the first hint of dating. It IS too early to begin talking about who she might date. Thats one point. But the other point is a much larger one. In 2005 are we really still as obsessed with race as we were when I was growing up? Is this still the issue that it was when I was in high school?

I'm not trying to bash my mom here. She was the first white member of the local N.A.A.C.P. chapter here back in the early 1970's. She had good relationships with a large number of black people, and I remember many of them sitting in our living room drinking coffee and chatting with her. But old lessons die hard and this is one that is ingrained in her. My grandfather was worse than she is. My great-grandfather? He could've fit right in at a Ku Klux Klan meeting. I try not to judge them too harshly. They were a product of their time.

Then there is me. I was part of the first generation in this area that attended desegregated schools. It began when I was in elementary school, and by the time I reached junior high school most of the racial turmoil in this area had toned down. Yes, it was there beneath the surface and we were always aware of it. My involvement in athletics brought me in close contact with black kids and I formed many friendships over the years. I experienced things that previous generations did not...friendship.....bonding....working together toward a goal....with people who looked and sounded different from me. We swam in the same pools, played in the same games, sat in the same classes, laughed at the same jokes, and had many common dreams.

Those of you who didn't grow up in the American South (Oklahoma is kinda part of the south. Its a mix of southern and midwestern culture) might have a difficult time understanding how things were. Make no mistake, race was THE issue in the 1960's and 1970's when I was a boy. It was always the elephant in the room that polite people didn't mention. Old traditions and feelings died very slowly and very hard.

There were relationships between boys and girls of different races when I was in school. It was considered very risque and "out there". Tales and rumors caused titters in the halls of my junior high school. I sat next to a pretty young black girl in my 8th grade English class. I can't remember her name now. She was bright and attentive, funny and smart. We traded notes sometimes, helped each other with assignments, and rolled our eyes at each other when the teacher told a particularly bad joke. I considered her to be a friend. But you know what? We didn't interact outside that class. I would walk down the hall and see her with her friends. Her eyes would acknowledge me but she wouldn't speak or ask me to stop and chat. It was the same way when I was with my friends. Dance together at school dances? No way. A couple of my friends had noticed the fact that she and I talked a lot in class and teased me about it. I would get red-faced and assure them that we were just talking. Nothing was going on. She was probably doing the same. An invisible barrier was between us.... barrier of culture, race, and tradition. I wonder how she's doing?

Do I want my daughter to feel like that? Do I want her to think that there are a whole class of people that are "off limits" to her? Of course not. Am I 100% free of the culture and beliefs I was brought up in? If I'm being truly honest, I'm not. Do I want to pass this down to my kids? Hell no. I want my kids and your kids to be free of the curse of previous generations. I work with a diverse mix of kids every day and they are so much further along in this area than my generation was.

When I think of who I want my daughter to date, be in a relationship with, or marry, the color of their skin isn't the first thing that pops into my head. Neither is their religion or the color of their hair. I don't care if they are a Democrat or a Republican. It doesn't matter to me if they practice Zen Buddhism or howl at the moon on Saturday nights(ok, maybe thats a little extreme). What I want for her is a decent, kind, thoughtful, intelligent young man who will treat her like the special girl she is. He will treasure all of her gifts and talents and understand her weaknesses. He'll love and respect her and bring out the best in her.

If he can do that, I don't care if he's purple and covered in polka dots. Lines be damned.
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The weekend has at long last arrived! No kids in school. Those schools aren't bad places to work when there are no kids around! I hope to enjoy this weekend. I got it off to a good start by spending several hours reading through some of the Net's finest blogs. Care to join me?

Joe is moving on to a new place. Caren is biking and raising money for charity.

Scorpy outlines her Friday feast. I personally think she has great taste in desserts. Stationery Queen outlines what its like to go out on assignment.

Janet put on quite a show with her students. Michelle reflects on the year with her students.

Red pays quite a tribute to another blogger. Sara is sending out postcards to her fellow bloggers. I can’t wait to get mine!

Masha is going to Russia. I am so jealous. Ellen is going to Vancouver and meeting some fellow bloggers. I’m jealous of that too.

What do you do if you find money on public transportation? Go to Roselle’s post and find out what happened in this case. What is Dawn fantasizing about? Find out here.

Walker shares tales of adventures in getting a haircut. Hilarious post. Feisty Girl shares a tale of getting clam chowder that tasted like chicken.

Sally remembers her parent’s anniversary. Fly Girl couldn’t remember why she was mad.

Kathy introduces us to her cast of characters. Juno introduces us to Peeps in a way you’ve never thought of.

Monica compares dating after divorce to books. Faith isn’t sure what she wants out of dating.

The Funky Cowboy is starting another blog. Che wondered what happened to hers.

Mystic Spirit had a big scare. The unpleasant choices found in this post by Lisa are kinda scary.

When Joan’s husband annoys her, she knows just what to do. April doesn’t want to do she’ll have to do if she’s met her match.

Wanda’s son is coming home and she prays that he is changing his ways. Mary Lou may not have been praying but she really needed to sleep.

Want to know what nerdy looks like? Check out this from Sallie. Want to know what Satisfied Spouse’s painted toenails look like? Just click here.

Red Headed Gal made it through the shower without drinking. Cindra has to make it through another round of mammograms.

Vickie shares some good graduation advice. Bec received some advice from the universe. My advice to Annabel? Don’t marry this guy.

What are you afraid of? Check out SonSon’s answer. Want to know the life cycle of a blogger? Then you must check out this post by Shirazi.

T. Marie embraces her wicked side. New Wave Gurly is embracing the traveling she’ll be doing in the next few weeks.

AKA Monty shares the commandments of Bloggintology. Angel shares movie night with a twist.

Laine has been sharing her nasty posts with her lover. Stephanie shares the joy of playing Bach.

Steph has photos for you to caption. Babs has a discussion on E-books.

Karen’s vacation didn’t come out like she wanted. I hope she still had a good time. Vince’s relationship with her dad doesn’t inspire him to buy Father’s Day gifts.

Chosha wishes she lived closer to her friends. Restless Angel is wishing that she could go play pool.

Rob tells a creepy critter story. Shelli’s dream is pretty creepy.

Chaotic Serenity’s daughter is having a birthday. Stacey’s daughter has the chickenpox. Ugh!

Thomai isn’t feeling well. I hope she’s better soon. Andie Pandie has a case of the shakes.

Veda has some questions to ponder about birth order. There’s no question about how A.J. feels about Red Bull.

Sue had a rough week but it sounds like things are better. Nameless had a wild time at the party she went to.

Jack shares the story of his trip to Israel. Inky shares how her vacation is going.

Carol is having car problems. Jazzy is struggling with what she believes about God.

Jen remembers a former lover. Erin remembers what it was like before she moved to Buffalo.

Janine loves Home Depot. John loved a trip to the river with his dog.

Edge has some questions for the drug makers. Chuck has a question for Blogger. Why can’t you get rid of those damn spam blogs?

Cyn loves her solitaire games. I love it that Tish had a birthday. We June birthday people have to stick together. Have I ever mentioned that Tish totally rocks?

Please pay these good people a visit and spread some comments their way. They deserve it. They're good. Let'em know that, ok?

Have a marvelous weekend my friends. Is there such a thing as a bad weekend in June? I don' t THINK sooooooooo!

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School dismissed for the summer this afternoon at 2:40 p.m. The day was full of boxes being moved, teachers moving their things to different classrooms for next year, and a handful of discipline issues.

Middle school age kids are a funny lot. They are old enough to think they are cool, but young enough to not always show it. Some kids wanted a hug. Others wanted a handshake or a high five as they left. Some inquired as to my summer plans or if I planned to return there next year. Many of the kids wore t-shirts and wanted me to sign their shirt. A lot of them brought cameras and I turned my eyes to this violation of school rules.

A lot of the 6th and 7th graders were absent but only a handful of 8th graders missed school today. This was their last day in middle school. After today, they are high school students. Some of them were still there an hour after school was out, just sitting at the tables outside and talking. They spoke wistfully of their three years there, reminiscing about funny things that had happened.

Most of the staff was in a good mood today. As I made my rounds this morning I kept telling them, "Smile! How bad it can it be?" Easy for me to say of course. I didn't have to spend 90 minutes with hormonally charged teenagers in an enclosed space on the last day of school. There were movies being shown in several classrooms. Kids were playing cards in another. Others were helping teachers sort, organize, and store their materials.

A few kids got sent to the office for acting out in class on the last day. After the last bell rang I was standing outside. A teacher marched down the sidewalk with her hand firmly on a young man's arm. She walked him right up to me and said, "He was absolutely terrible in class today. Would you mind talking to him?" Umm, sure I will. I stood there and chatted with him while he hung his head for a minute or two. I guess its never to late to get one more good lecture in there is it?

The same thing is true about kids that is true about us. They want to be loved. They want to be acknowledged. They want to be treated fairly. They want to be listened to. They want to be guided. I've been close to all kinds of kids.....from the high school Mr. Everything to the 6th grader who is already in danger of dropping out. Their needs are different and their stories couldn't be more different. Some have wonderful, loving parents. Others are practically on their own. Some have parents who talk to them and help them through the difficult path of growing up. Others have parents who beat the hell out of them and ignore them for the live-in boyfriend/girlfriend of the month.

We meet in this place called "school". Kids pour in the doors with all of their needs, their curiousity, their attitudes, emotions run amok. Adults like me with our own histories, challenges, and experiences greet them. The chemistry between the two makes all the difference in the world. We get to know your kids so well. Many parents would just die if they knew the things their children told me sitting in my office.

Then the end of the year comes. Goodbyes are said, tears are cried, and hugs are given. Its not a static place. Many of the students and staff won't be back next year. The place will change. It always does. Next year won't be like this year. The chemistry will be different. New teachers, new staff, new kids, and new parents will combine again. I might not even be there.

This year is in the books now. I won't forget it for a variety of reasons. I had a successful professional year, not letting all of my inner turmoil affect my work to any great degree. I gained the respect of my colleagues. I worked with a lot of children and grew to love them. I formed good relationships with scores of parents. My principal approved of the work I did. All of that is something that gives me a very good feeling. I'm proud of what I accomplished professionally this year. I always am. I must be a lucky man to have always loved my job every year of my professional life. I've crossed paths with hundreds of teachers and many thousands of children. They've taught me many things and enriched my life. I keep saying it so much that I sound like a broken record--I wish it was transferrable to the other areas of my life.

Some of those kids I will never see again. Some I'll run into as adults. Some may even read my blog. (are you still out there "K"?) Our paths crossed this year and will never cross again. Some of the names may fade as time slips through the hourglass. But we'll have had an impact on each other...some large and some very small.

I started so long ago with a head still full of hair and idealism pulsing through my veins. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of kids. I wanted to notice them like I craved to be noticed as a shy, soft-spoken, child. I knew I'd never get rich, but I've been enriched in ways that matter a helluva lot more than that green stuff people obsess about. I won't be counting my money on my deathbed. I'll be counting my memories. If I had it to do all over again, I'd do it in a New York minute.

Twenty years ago I was completing my first year of teaching in rural Checotah, Oklahoma. It had been a difficult but rewarding year. I was learning my craft. I sometimes feel bad for those kids that had to experience me in those early years. I was a dedicated but sometimes struggling young teacher. My supervisors, colleagues, and students taught me so much. I knew this was what I wanted to do. Its what I was meant to do.

As this year ends, that young teacher meets this seasoned veteran administrator:

Hi there young man. Yes, I still love it as much as you did. I'm so much better at it than you were. But you know what kid? You weren't half bad, all things considered. I'd hire you today. I still look forward to summer like you did. But you know what? I'm just as excited when the new school year begins as I am at the end. Remember those new faces that walked through your door, looking hesitantly at you, not knowing what to expect? They still do that.

I've been through a helluva lot in all these years, my young colleague. I learned from your mistakes and I grew from the experiences you went through. You remember how you used to be afraid to call parents and tell them that their child needed to improve? I'm pretty damn good at that now. Remember those grizzled veterans that put an arm around your shoulder and told you to hang in there when things got rough? I've put an arm on a shoulder or two and said those same words.

I have the experience of being a parent myself now. You were a carefree young guy. You worked hard during the week, graded papers almost every night, and then went out and had wild times on the weekends. When you wanted to go somewhere.....you went. You'd grab your wife and go off for weekends at the spur of the moment. I can't do that like you did. For one thing....I don't have a wife. For another....I have two kids.

I like it that I still have your passion. Just like you did, my mind starts racing as I'm standing in the shower in the morning. I'm rehashing what I did right and what I did wrong yesterday. I'm making plans for today on my drive to work. Remember when you would stay up till the wee hours of the morning reading about the Civil War so that you could deliver a slam-dunk lecture the next day? Damn, that was a lot of work. Sometimes it didn't go over as well as you hoped. You didn't seem to care. You just worked that much harder the next time.

Hey Brian. Remember that kid during your first year? That kid that sat there quietly in his seat day after day. You weren't sure if you were getting through to him at all. I ran into that kid years later at a shopping mall. He told me, "you were the best teacher I ever had. I always knew that you cared". You must've been doing something right.

Brian, I've written another chapter this year. I've worked with some magnificent teachers and worked with some kids you would've liked. You always liked the challenging ones. Remember? Of course you do. I'm pleased to inform you that I still feel needed like you did.

Well kid, its time to close this chapter and begin thinking about the next one. Before I go I'd like to toast with you the end of another year. Lift your glass with me, ok?

Here's to another school year. I'm a little older and wiser than I was a year ago. I'll recharge my batteries and I'll be ready for next year. The cycle will begin again. You know what? Next year could be the best of all. I'm optimistic that way just like you were. Lets toast my students. I may get annoyed with them but I love them all. Lets toast my colleagues. They are some of the finest people I'll ever know...just like yours were. Lets toast achievement, lessons learned, life, and love. Sound good to you?

*Clink* Cheers.
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Its Wednesday and its the last week of school. The students in my school have their last day tomorrow. I'm not excited at all! Really!

One thing I hear all the time is scuttlebutt about how all these grudges are going to be settled on the last day of school. You know the story..."I've hated him/her all year and I'm going to beat them down as soon as school is out." We've spent some time letting kids know that we can suspend them into next year and that the bell ringing doesn't give them license to settle all their old scores. We'll see if they listen.

I'm trying to get rid of all the things kids have asked me to keep or that I have confiscated at some point. Sitting in my office are backpacks, notebooks, men's cologne, gym shorts, and various other items. There is also this rubber hand that I took from someone earlier in the year and have had a lot of fun with. It sits on the filing cabinet in my office, and more than once someone has sat down, glanced over, and jumped. I'm keeping it.

Then there is the contraband. I have whoopie cushions. I have cell phones that were never picked up. I have stinkbombs. I have a "High Times" magazine and a "Playboy". I have a nice collection of lighters. I have some "noise putty". I have a couple of nice pocketknives. Whats a guy to do with all this stuff?

I'm home alone again tonight. Patrick is at summer camp and Aubree is staying at a friend's house. Naturally, this has to happen on a work night. I'm not complaining....my house is sooo quiet.

It doesn't look like the new job thing is going to happen. I have mixed feelings about this. The money, the opportunity to work at my kid's school, and the chance to be in charge of my own building were big plusses. The minuses? No social interaction except for coworkers. Moving away from family and friends. I'll probably still be looking around to see if anything else interesting comes open. There also remains the possibility of me being reassigned within my district.

My ego gets bruised when I don't get the job after an interview. If they don't interview me, it doesn't bother me. But only a handful of times in my entire life have I had an interview that wasn't followed by a job offer. Its a point of pride. I've always been told that I'm a strong interviewee. Usually, when I get an interview opportunity, I think the job is mine if I want it.

The kids leave for England on June 18th and will be gone for two weeks. Whats a guy to do? I've got it. The kids are away. Party at my place! Who's in?

Aubree to me: "Dad, I don't like that shirt on you. If you want to attract the babes, don't wear that again!" Hey, I happened to LIKE that shirt!

My last day of work will be next week. Then I'm off for the summer. Because school starts back two weeks earlier this year than last it will be a shorter summer. I know most of you aren't oozing sympathy for me. I get off on June 17 and report back to work on August 11. I may take a class this summer, but other than that I have no plans other than to relax, have some fun, and spend some time with the kids.

Lets hear it for summer! :)

So how is YOUR week going?
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A recent post on Shirazi's blog poses an interesting question. What happens to your blog when you die? What happens if on the way home from work tomorrow my van turns into a fireball on Highway 66? My friends and family would mourn my passing, but the blog remains. I hope that I enjoy a good long life and my blog will always be along for the ride. Its only responsible to prepare though. Right?

So it strikes me that I should leave a blog will and testament just in case. In the unfortunate event of my demise I would like to leave the following:

My frustration with Blogger I leave to Red. She knows all the good cuss words that I do and she knows how to use them. She can carry on well in my stead. Since she even lives in the same town that I do, she could sneak in my window and bang my keyboard in frustration just like I used to do.

My occasional witty and sardonic posts I leave to Kathy. She could rewrite them for posterity's sake and make them even funnier.

My posts about school life I hereby leave to Ellen, Cindra, Erin, Ginger and Michelle. They will get greater enjoyment out of them than most. Maybe one of them can use them in a book like the one I always threaten to write but never get around to.

My angst-ridden posts about single life I leave to Faith and Jen. Any time they are feeling down they can whip one of those little gems out. They would think, "shit, I'm not THAT bad!"

My group of hot blogger babe commenters I must leave to Edge. He'll corrupt them all, but it can't be helped.

If I had any of those cute little dancing icons, I'd leave them to Karen. I don't, but she has more than enough to satisfy anyone. Well, maybe I do have one!


Pictures from my blog I will leave to Lisa. She'll take them, put them together, and make a cool digital collage for everyone to see.

Any posts I've written that approach being inspirational I hereby leave to Vickie and Sally. The queens of inspiration get a meager offering from the court jester.

Any bitchy or snarky posts? I've gotta leave those to my girl AKA Monty. She can use them for warmup on one of her off days!

I leave the keys to my secret blog to New Wave Gurly. She'll know what to do! I'm sure of it.

Posts complaining about my sex life or lack thereof are awarded to T. Marie. She doesn't complain like I do, but I think she understands. An unnamed reader/non-blogger also gets a share of these.

My warm, fuzzy, luvvy-duvvy posts I must leave to some of my favorite couples. Chuck and Stephanie. Walker and Sara. RD(can't find a working link) and his loving wife. They hit the lottery.

All my stories about the travails of dating I hereby leave to Annabel. Her stories are better than mine, but hopefully she can make some use of them.

All mentions of my beloved rum and coke are hereby tendered to Chaotic Serenity. She has an appreciation for it. Drink a couple and toast me, ok?

Any posts with cool quotes? Those I leave to A.J. She doesn't need them because she pulls quotes out faster than anyone I've ever seen. But still.

I've written posts about the stinging pain of ending a marriage with someone you love. Bec, honey, those are yours.

My posts with cool stories about my kids? Those I leave to a couple of the most passionate, dedicated moms I know. Monica and Sallie. I hope you enjoy.

To my fellow Okie bloggers such as Sleeping Mommy, Babs, and Tish(she counts because she is an O.S.U. girl), I leave you my posts memorializing my college years. Have some cheese fries at Eskimo Joes and tell them to put it on my tab.

Posts dealing with my wild side are left to Nameless. Since she is nameless, she can't tell anyone! Tales of former lovers are left in the tender care of Laine. She won't tell either.

My music posts must be left to one of the best people I know....Steph. She writes better about music, has a cool IPOD, and takes trips to see live music in Austin. She doesn't need my writing.....but hey, its my blog will, right?

Posts that make you smile and feel great? Since FlyGirl has always done that for me, I'd like to return the favor.

No blog funeral is complete without a little music. I hereby request Joe to set his country leanings aside and sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" for me. Cue it up and sing it proud my friend.

To everyone else I leave an unparalleled blogroll and my sincere love and appreciation for your great writing, your friendship, your support, and your keen insights into life!

I hope I didn't jinx myself. I'll pay extra attention on the highway for the next few days..just in case!

de mortuis nil nisi bonum
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Its bad when you take one of those online tests. Its especially bad when you take one that takes a good part of an hour to complete. I took Yahoo's personality, love style, and relationship readiness tests. They may not be perfectly scientific, but they were actually fun to take.

The report is lengthy, but I thought I'd post a few of the more interesting tidbits:
Your Personality Type: Idealist

• As an Idealist, your mission in life is to make the world a better place. You care about big ideas and big issues, but you're also dedicated to the lives of the people around you. Hmmm. Move over Martin Luther King and Gandhi! I can see some of myself in this. I'm not always as altruistic as the profile portrays but I do genuinely care about those around me. Thats a nice way of saying I'm a big sap.
• In many ways, you're the ideal friend or co-worker. You have great empathy skills. You give sound advice, but more importantly, you know when to just listen. At work, you're a natural facilitator, motivator, and mentor. You have a gift for promoting harmony and cooperation at work. In fact, few things bother you more than conflicts at work. The work thing is spot on...its what I've always been known for, and its perhaps my greatest work-related gift. I've never had "enemies" at work and have always been able to work with a variety of people.
• Your hopes and dreams are very important to you, so you take other people's dreams seriously, too. Your friends and family know they can come to you for a booster shot of support and optimism, whether it's for pursuing their dream job or dream man or woman. I think this is largely true. I try to be supportive of those around me and I'd like to think I am. I'm thrilled when someone close to me achieves their dreams.
  
• Most people have goals and dreams, but you're more likely than most to actually achieve them. You have a clear idea of what you want in life. You anticipate and plan around obstacles, and you're a sharp problem solver. Plus, it's pretty darn hard to discourage you. I wish this was me. I'm in the process of redefining what I want in life other than successfully raising my kids. Its not that hard to discourage me anymore either. Perhaps I used to be a lot more like this. Now, I'm doing my fair share of flailing around.
  
• Idealists come in many varieties, from the academic to the pragmatic. You stand soundly in the middle. Only you know what you'll do with your gifts. Ultimately, whether you touch the world, your community, or simply your closest friends and family—it's Idealists like you that give us all the inspiration to dream and strive for something more. I'm not even sure what I'll do with my gifts other than to try and do a good job with my kids and be the most effective person I can be at work. I'm not sure how inspiring I am right now unless you're really hard up for inspiration. Many days I'm just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.
  

Love Style-Passionate

You have the freedom to love intensely and completely—focusing only on the here and now.

• Passionates have a great capacity to love. In fact, you may have several "great loves" in your lifetime. When you connect with someone it's immediate, intense, and on multiple levels— mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual. You realize that sometimes love can be brief and other times lifelong. So, you try to enjoy love, avoid the urge to control it, and just see where it takes you. Now THIS is the truth. There isn't much in between for me. Either its there or it isn't and I know it quickly. If I tried a little harder to control it, I wouldn't get burned like I do. But I don't really think I can be any other way.
  
• Physical chemistry is a key part of the initial spark for you. Although people love to talk about sex, the truth is that most people are afraid of their "wild" side. You aren't. You trust your instincts and know exactly who you find attractive and what turns you on. No matter how nice a woman may be, if there's no passion in your first kiss, it's probably not going to work out. Its taken many years for me to embrace my "wild side". I'm still not sure I fully have. I do know exactly what turns me on and I almost always know very quickly if a woman does it for me. I love and appreciate nice women but I must have that passion. How did they know? :)
  
• Your approach to love can change over time. Physical passion may become less crucial and commitment may become more important. However, for now your "style" of loving has these common features:
• You're most likely to fall in love with a woman who is independent by nature. She won't expect to merge her life with yours. Keeping separate friends, for example, will just give you more to talk about when you're together. Feisty, aggressive, independent women turn me on. I'm not possessive or highly jealous. I'm attracted to women who know who they are and what they want.
  
• Good sexual chemistry is an important ingredient in creating a lasting love. You're not a purist who thinks love is a saintly connection between "friends." You want a lover who connects with you body and soul. Of course, sexual passion can wane over time, so ultimately, affection and companionship must also be key ingredient. Of course I'm not a purist. I am extremely romantic and I really want true, committed love. When I connect, I connect fully and completely. I trust intimately and totally. Sometimes that can bite you in the ass. I'm not even convinced that sexual passion has to wane over time. Its different and its not "new". But if you work at it, the passion shouldn't go away. Then again, maybe I'm just naive.
  

• If you went out on 100 dates at random, how many do you think would result in a mutual attraction? This chart shows the percentage of dates where the two of you would be mutually attracted. Given your traits and the types you find attractive, the chart also shows the percentage of times neither of you would be interested and the times when one would be interested but not the other.Will the attraction be mutual?

You Like Each Other (16%)

You Like Her (10%)

She Likes You (50%)

No Interest (24%)

I might as well go play craps! The odds are much better. 16%! Its better than the odds of winning the lottery but much less than my chances of winning big at the blackjack tables. That 50% stat....does that just mean I'm picky? Yeah, I guess I am. And whats wrong with that 10% anyway?

• You appear to be more tuned-in to what other people are thinking and feeling than you are to your own inner thoughts and emotions. (See the two charts below.) Your natural sensitivity and empathy will serve you well in a relationship. Oh yeah. I seem to be able to understand other people's issues/problems much better than I do my own. Physician, heal thyself!
  

• Hopefully, you'll find a woman who'll be as tuned-in to your needs, as you'll be tuned-in to hers. If not, you risk being in a one-sided relationship, where your needs go unnoticed. That would be nice!

There is much more but I'll save some of it for another time. As pseudo-scientific as these tests are, they do at least make you think about your strengths, weaknesses, and desires.

Awww hell. Maybe I'll just go play blackjack.
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No, this is not the sexual fantasy post alluded to earlier. You don't have to cover your eyes or get all excited. That has been moved to a less public location!

I don't write about my sex life here very much. That is much easier to do when there isn't one to write about. I haven't had sex in quite some time. I've never gone anywhere near this long in my adult life. That has always been a point of pride with me. (Yes, I know....stupid men and their stupid egos).

Its like a long walk in the desert. Sometimes you see a mirage....and then its gone as quickly as it came. You appreciate it, you acknowledge it, and you know its there. But its just a mirage. You focus on the path and the walk. One foot in front of the other. Something catches your eye, you appreciate it, and then its gone again. You make self-satisfying excuses..."she's too good for me"(uniquely complimenting her and pushing her away at the same time)...."she wouldn't really like me once she got to know me"(has the advantage of history) ...."I'll get something started and she'll dump me"(works every time because how can you disprove it?) ...."she's outta my league" (a personal favorite)....."its too complicated"(a sure-fire all purpose excuse). A desert traveller that creates his very own personal mirages with a wave of his wand. Thats me.

You know what is scary to me? I don't miss it like I thought I would. I hate admitting that. I've had people tell me about going months or years without and I used to shake my head in wonder. Months? Years? Days were hard. Weeks were trying. Months or years? Unthinkable. Those of you who told me about that? I'm one of you now. Count me in the "not getting any and surviving it ok" club. This is not a "poor Brian isn't getting laid" post. Its not that I couldn't. Its that I've both consciously and subconsciously chose not to. What kind of guy does a crazy thing like that?

I think it comes down to this. I'm not very good at the casual sex thing. I'd like to think I am. Sometimes I wish I was. I've tried to be. I could go out, find a hot girl, seduce her, have a wild night, and all would be right with the world again for awhile. But deep down that really isn't me. I have to have some kind of connection with the woman I'm with...friendship at the very least.

I don't think I've realized how much I let sex and sexuality define who I am. When my sex life was going great, all was right with the world. It was a gauge of how things were going. Rattle the headboards the night before and all was right with the world the next day. Going without sex forces a man to define himself in different ways. Of course, its not nearly as much fun to define yourself by how clean your house is, how well you handled your job that day, how many books you've read, or if you've remembered to pay all your bills on time this month.

I don't miss it like I thought I would, but there are moments when it drives me crazy. I crave intimacy, feelings, and desire. Its not the orgasm...those are easy to come by. I miss the touch of someone who gives a damn whether you're alive the next day or not. I miss the seduction and the laughter. My God, how I miss kissing. There are moments when my skin tingles and I'd give anything for just a moment. A shining moment.

Then I realize its only a mirage. If I actually try to reach out and touch it, it'll be gone like a wisp in the wind.

I know that there are oases in the desert. Sometimes it is just not just a mirage. Perhaps some sweet day I'll find the wisdom to know the difference.
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Its the first weekend in June. If its the weekend, you know its time to surf a few blogs when you get tired from all those outdoor activities you're involved in. Ready? Slide on to your surfboard and begin:

Red Head Gal deserves a chip. Sleeping Mommy deserves an award of some kind for this post on her honeymoon.

Splendid gets to go white water rafting. Bec got to go out on a date….with a woman.

Red wants you to shake your ass. Jazzy wanted to jump on the neighbor’s trampoline.

Lisa has a new love interest. Ellen has a fear of flying.

Monica dumps the cursed shirt. Funky Cowboys shows us a shirt with a punchline

T. Marie misses some things and not others. It doesn’t sound like Joan misses working for the radio station.

Caren had a bad bike ride. A.J. had bees in her house.

Faith wants that gooey feeling. Sounds like Karen may have that feeling this weekend.

Michelle has never eaten anything off of anyone. She has probably never acted out this fantasy courtesy of Angel.

The Complimenting Commenter wants nominations for compliments. Shirazi wants to know when you do your writing.

Stephanie shares her favorite books. Sara shares her trip to the dentist.

Satisfied Spouse wants a tag team partner. Snowball wants to know if she can trust the heating/A.C. guy.

Okie Doke wants to know if you could be driving a gay car. Chuck wants to know if having enemies can be a good thing.

Steph has a thing for “The Boz”. ThePhoenixNYC has a thing for Shakespeare.

Wanna use your cellphone around Jack? Be prepared for personal WMDs. Mess with Andie? Soon she will kick your ass with Tae Kwon Do.

Walker reminisces about racing his hotrod. Inky got to reminisce about a blast from the past.

Curtis shares his recipe for pulled pork sandwiches. Yum! Sallie shares a stunning pic of a hummingbird.

Joe is singing it loud and proud. Mystic Spirit is opening the door.

Vince feels like a stuffed sausage. I don’t know how SonSon is feeling but she isn’t pleased with the wax job.

Dawn is back from her St. Louis trip. Sally’s young friend is going to France.

Phyllis is the proud new owner of a Conga Drum. Kim is the owner of a new golf game and is loving it.

Fly Girl loves to entertain. Candy Tuft loves to chat with her new friends.

Juno says that girls have to have their secrets. Sue says guys should watch what they say!

Anna doesn’t like working weekends while her husband is off. RD doesn’t like it when people don’t vote.

April is addicted to ringtones. Chosha can’t believe that a ringtone is topping the charts.

Muse has made some changes in her life. J is changing to a different job.

Mona shares information about breathing. Katriana shares some devastating news.

Stacy reminds that the truth can hurt. Vickie reminds us that people return to their true loves.

Thomai runs into guys she turned down. Rachel meets women who become surrogate mothers to her.

Babs is a big picture girl. John is a low carb guy. He’s in training.

Christine hasn’t had good experiences with gynecologists. It sounds like Cindra’s mammogram went fine.

Chaotic Serenity no longer has a warrant out for her arrest. She should read Lewis’ experience with jail.

Cyn wonders what the future holds for the violin boy. I wonder what would happen if everyone joined DataMonkey’s new religion.

Edge has his own effect. Maureen has wallpaper that needs to come down.

What happens when you IM the wrong person? Ask Kathy. What happens when you share posts about your lover with him? Ask Laine.

New Wave Gurly is like Shirley Manson. Some Girl would just like to be an expert on summer.

Diana has been listening to Tony Robbins’ CDs. Janet wants to listen to tunes on an MP3 player.

Aka Monty shows off her sense of humor at the funeral. Undergraduate writes a label for herself.

Stationery Queen ponders what she has learned since graduating high school. I suspect that the rainbow parties that Tish refers to were not happening back then.

Vegas Baby won some Def Leppard tickets. Scorpy is probably winning some volleyball games.

Spread a little comment love to these fantastic bloggers. Just do it! Have a wonderful weekend my friends.

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A group of kids were playing "hackysack" on the playground recently. A misplaced kick landed right between the legs of one of the boys involved. He was lying on the ground writhing in pain while most of the kids snickered and pointed. We helped him to his feet, let him catch his breath, and let him pay a visit to the nurse.

You know how guys have never experienced the pain of childbirth? Girls have never experienced the unique sensation of being "racked". I've not found the words in the English language to describe this painful sensation. It doesn't just hurt "there". It hurts everywhere. The episode on the playground made me recall a few incidents:

• When I was in 6th grade I was climbing a tree near my house. I slipped off the branch I was on, fell about four feet, and landed in a perfect straddle on the thick limb below. The white flash of pain made me unable to control the rest of my fall and I landed on my back and knocked the wind out of myself too. Double trouble. My friend ran to tell my mom. I couldn't catch my breath long enough to say, "nooooooo. I don't want to talk about this with my mom. I want to lay here and suffer."
• I was playing in a high school basketball game and was racing another player for a loose ball. As the ball rolled out of bounds he beat me to it by a step. He had the ball in his hands and was flying through the air out of bounds. I raised my hands in the hair to stop his save. A perfect target. He threw the ball HARD right between my legs. I remember laying there staring up at the fieldhouse lights, seeing the blur of people in the bleachers, and all the players and coaches standing around me. An old referee leaned down and said, "son, whatever you do, don't grab where it hurts." I'm not sure if I followed his advice or not. I hobbled back to the bench in agony. A teammate thought it would be helpful to pour some water over my head. What he ended up doing was pouring it right down the back of my jersey where it ran into my shorts. Great! Now not only was I in pain, but I looked like I'd had an accident.
• I was playing a recreational league soccer game in college. I ran up and challenged a player just as he kicked the ball. His follow through landed perfectly on an uppward trajectory on my balls. Oh. My. God. That hurt. Once again I lay there in agony. We didn't have any extra players. The student coach of our team said, "Brian, I know you're hurting. I'll let you switch and play goalie for awhile." Thanks buddy. Now I have people kicking balls AT me. I swear that it seemed like every kick was aimed right for my crown jewels. I was very happy for that game to be over.
  
• I may have posted this story before but its worth the re-telling. When I was a middle school vice principal the P.E. teacher showed up at my door with his hands on the shirts of two very upset looking 6th grade boys. They were crying and he was snickering behind their backs. It turns out that they were playing a game. They took turns sitting against the wall with their legs spread and letting the other one kick them. Apparently, by the time the teacher saw what they were doing they had each gotten in two kicks. I couldn't think of a punishment more severe that what they were already going through. I called and talked to two very flustered and upset moms. They came to pick the kids up from school. One of them walked in the office, signed her son out, walked over to him, and lifted him up by his ear. She then walked out tugging him by his ear while he ran bowlegged behind her trying to keep up. Ok, I confess. I laughed so hard that big tears ran down my cheeks.
  

I can live the rest of my life without the experience of being racked again.

The fantasy idea referred to in the previous post? I think I will put that in a less public location. Email me if interested in reading when its all set up.

Edge and company have a drive going to provide some funds to Beth (Kat) whose son was recently diagnosed with a form of leukemia. Please help if you can. Its a good cause and I like seeing the blogosphere pull together when one of our own is in trouble.
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It doesn't seem like Wednesday, but it is. I did remember to take the garbage to the curb this week. Thats a good thing because the container was filled to the brim!

My kids are out of school now and spending their days at my parent's house while I continue to work. The pool is now fully functional over there and it looks like they spend a fair amount of time swimming. When they aren't swimming they are going for walks in the neighborhood, watching TV, or playing video games. Ahhh, the carefree joys of summer. Remember?

I met another blogger for the first time over Memorial Day weekend. She offered to give me a Mickey Mouse TV for Aubree. Coincidentally, Aubree's TV stopped working a few weeks ago. We met at a local Target store and I took the TV off of her hands. She knew what I looked like and what the kids looked like, but I had no idea what to expect of her. She found us in the store and we made our introductions, went to the parking lot, chatted for a few minutes, took the TV, and said our goodbyes. As we were walking away I said to Aubree, "well, she was very nice wasn't she?" Aubree replied, "yeah, and if you didn't notice Dad, she was hot!" (then she did this little thing where she pretends her finger is on fire, touches her rear, and goes psssssstttt!) I nodded in agreement and said, "yes honey but she is married. She's just a friend." Aubree's reply? "Too bad, I'd like to have a mom that looks like THAT." I won't mention her name out of respect for her privacy, but she is on my blogroll and occasionally comments here. She is a sweetie and a good friend and I'd like to publicly thank her.

I have a sexual fantasy post that I've been writing for a few days now. I wrote one of these before but never posted it. This one may not get posted either. Its definitely a departure from the way I usually write here. We'll see! :)

Middle school discipline in the past week:

• Another long running girl feud takes up way too much of my time. After yet another complaint from a parent, I call in this girl to talk about the complaint that she is threatening another girl at school. I said, "I need to talk to you about this problem with "X". She flamed and said, "fuck that bitch". I just smiled and said, "thats all I need to know. Go clean out your locker and turn in all your books. You're done."
• A 6th grade male pulls out a condom from his pocket, walks over to a girl in class and says, "do you want me to use this on you?" She said no. He reached down and touched her between the legs. Another locker cleaned out. A police officer came to take a report this afternoon.
  
• Another 6th grade male repeatedly tells his teacher to "shut up". He denies it vehemently. I'm not buying it.
• An 8th grade boy who has a girlfriend keeps getting phone calls from two other girls. He apparently enjoys the attention but his girlfriend is not amused. She writes a threatening note to the other girls. I meet with all of them. Oh my, the drama.

You'd think from reading some of my posts that our school is full of a bunch of ruffians. Actually, its one of the best schools in a large school district. Its very clean and our discipline problems pale in comparison to most of the other middle schools. School discipline is always a 10/90 thing. About 10% of the kids cause 90% of the discipline problems. At a previous school we had about 650 students. Well over 500 of those students never received a discipline referral or were in the office all year long.

My brother got married last Saturday in very simple ceremony in front of the fireplace in his brand new house. The bride, groom, and her son all wore Hawaiian themed outfits (they are going to Hawaii for their honeymoon next week). The part I thought was cool was including her son in the ceremony. He and my brother recited oaths to each other...."I Zack take you Kerry to be my stepdad..." The ceremony was followed by a meal at an Italian restaurant. I ate so much bread I was almost stuffed before my steak arrived. I walked out of the restaurant, stepped off the curb on to a slippery spot, and took a tumble. My knee doesn't have much skin left on it. Ouch! Luckily, I don't think anyone saw me do it.

Saturday night I went out to a local bar with a group of teachers from my school. One of the teachers is young, it was her birthday, and she had a bunch of her friends there. Total count of people in my group? Three guys and twelve girls. Those are my kinda numbers. Most of the girls were under 30. Four of them sat at my little round table. It was a karaoke night and I sang "Mustang Sally" (with a nice backup from my table mates) and "Turn The Page". Fun stuff!

A guy in his 20's with a bald head and goatee kept stopping by our table to chat up the girls. They kept blowing him off. At one point he came over, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "this guy has a nice haircut. He could be my dad. I could be his illegitimate son". Thanks a lot buddy.

A picture taken by Aubree sometime in the last few weeks. Can't put a camera in that girl's hands!

So how is YOUR week going?
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